C O L E S W /\ N N

My new stock answer when people ask me what I'm up to is "Hard to say!" followed by no additional clarification

i'm like hey what's up van gogh:

Taylor Swift working a gas grill at a vegan cookout. How do you cram this much annoying shit in one picture?

I met my girlfriend Tammy at the county fair, after we wrestled over whose overalls were the sturdiest. #blessed

You're never too old to learn new things about yourself. I learned I can literally fall asleep standing up at a Dave Matthews concert.

Guy Fieri is like if foot spray could walk and talk and hit on your wife in front of you.

"The Sea Lion In The Oil Slick" "Green Eggs & Anthrax" "Horton Hears A Homicide" "Oh, The Student Loans You'll Owe" —Dr Seuss 2015

People who post shit like this on Facebook. Stop it. That's what diaries are for.

It's may 2015, not may 2013.... We've all seen it before, stop beating the dead horse that is JT's ramen noodle hair.

Unfriending anyone who posts "it's gona be may" w/ a pic of justin timberlake...

#Slay for #LA sister

If you name your baby Blaine, he'll immediately change your oil & rotate your tires.

Hey Jesus I noticed you aren't using that tomb anymore? Mind if I take a nap in there cuz I'm tired and hungover as hell.

I bet people hate it when the girl from the Wendy's commercials shows up to parties. She seems like THAT girl.

Looks like someone needs to be truer to punctuation marks than to the game... But that's none of my business...🐸

Cinderella is my favorite children's story about hallucinations caused by exhaustion from slave labour.

I've never seen such a sexy sleek store filled with such frumpy, nerdy employees. Apple Store, you truly out-did yourself.

If all your profile pics are car selfies you need to get a fucking life.