Mini Big Show

If only Ians icecream was as cold as Dianes heart #gbbo

I went to see Project Hail Mary. Great movie, I highly recommend it. The less you know about it going in, the better. Trust me. The guy in front of me in the theater brought his dog in to see the movie with him. I think it was a service animal. But the dog really seemed to be enjoying the movie, it was strange. So I said to the guy afterwards, "I know this is going to sound strange, but it seemed like your dog really enjoyed the movie." He said, "It is strange. He hated the book."

@TheBarmyArmy Thorpe

Without telling us your age, who is the first cricketer you fell in love with?

Love this for Southampton.

Prince Andrew uses his one phone call to call Babestation.

Mates kid changed the playlist on my Alexa without me realising #whamageddon

@ColtaineCrow @anon_opin That's a hell of a day!!

@anon_opin They saw it when young and it has that nostalgic thing going for it. I saw it on video the same day I saw Conan the Barbarian and Robocop. Man what a day that was.

When did everyone apparently start thinking Spaceballs was great? I remember it coming out, and everyone seemed to think it was complete shit. It'll be Robin Hood: Men In Tights next.

@bb121479 @fesshole

@fesshole I once met a police officer at the door of a highly illegal party at 3 am. Everyone was sure we were all going to jail. Talked with her about 30 min or so. Ended up getting her to leave. Even got a date with her later.

My local kebab shop considers me a hero and gives me free food. Apparently, they were getting robbed one night and I stopped it by talking the robber out of it. But I have no recollection of this because I was almost on the verge of being paralytically drunk. Still, free food.

I went to a festival an hour from 1 – and it blew me away😭 manchestereveningnews.co.uk/whats-on/music…

french toddler smoking a toddler sized cigarette: "he uhhh, 'ow you say, got my nose [shrug]"

@fesshole I feel this deeply

I have a drawer of good t-shirts and a drawer of scruffy t-shirts. Whenever I buy a new good t-shirt, I need to relegate one of the others into the scruffy drawer. I've had to make some truly heart breaking decisions over the years.

GEORGE LUCAS filming The Phantom Menace with a t-shirt with the New Yorker's review of STAR WARS: "Comic-book characters, unbelievable story, no political or social commentary, lousy acting, preposterous dialogue, a ridiculously simplistic morality. In other words, a BAD MOVIE."

@93vintagejones @RobertJenrick Simply Reds new album cover looks shite

Pleased to have joined @RobertJenrick’s campaign as ambassador for Richmond (Yorks) and Thirsk and Malton. Britain needs us to succeed. Under Robert, we will.

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research thanks

@Mediokratos @fesshole

@fesshole And the penne dropped.

I spent years dismissing pasta and couldn't understand why so many people seemed to enjoy it, because I found it so bland and tasteless. Then I learned that you're supposed to add sauces to it.

Whatcha laughing at... I got 21 seats to go, I got 21 seats to go Cause if you like me lemme know Let me in da studio I got 21 seats before I got to go #GeneralElections2024

At the funeral home after my Dad died and the very attractive employee said she loved my aftershave and the shirt I was wearing. Ended up cutting the meeting short, getting the cheapest urn without even looking at the brochure and banging her in my car outside. Sorry Dad.

@eugeneh84 Only time I've ever heard anyone talk about it was some year 7s, where one annoying lad was banging on about Ronaldo/Messi and Ballon d'Or numbers to another annoying year 7 who supports 7 different teams.

Muted this as i've not annoyed so many people since I said quarter zip jumpers were Tory

Since I was a kid me and my mates have chat about football constantly. At work, in the group chat, on nights out, at afters, as an ice breaker for people you don't know. But we've never once discussed who has won or who will win the Ballon d'Or.

@RichAllin @fesshole

@fesshole The beauty of Heinz sight

Got my first job aged 17 at Argos. Refunded a customer for a faulty satnav but couldn't be arsed to check inside the box. End of the day, deputy manager was going through the returns, opened the satnav box, and found a tin of baked beans inside.

@WalterOtton @fesshole

@fesshole Still might work out. Life is not a sprint, it's a Marathon.

Aged 16 I turned down the offer to get off with a beautiful girl because I was half way through a king-size Snickers and thought I might taste funny. Never got another chance with her and I always wonder what might have been as she's still beautiful and very successful.