Dad Ops

DADOPS INCIDENT REPORT Date: Thursday Time: 0547 Location: Master bedroom Subject (2.5 yrs) breached the perimeter at 0547. Method of entry: door handle. Nobody taught her that. Suspect proceeded directly to sleeping parent's face. Placed one hand on each cheek. Whispered: "Daddy. Eyes open." Negotiations were not offered. Coffee was not yet made. The day had already begun. Status: Operational. Morale: Pending caffeine.

My kids spent all morning launching themselves off the couch. Then I asked one of them to pick up a sock. Two ankle injuries, out of nowhere.

My kids have been doing parkour off the couch since 7am. I asked one of them to pick up a sock. We now have two ankle injuries.

Every household has a version of this. The plain toast wins every time. Cook accordingly. x.com/VicVijayakumar…

@ForTheDadsPod The umbrella is the flag. The cooler is the supply line. Command established.

Not all heroes wear capes 🫡

@adam_chal The 2yo doesn't know it's Sydney. Dad being there is the whole city.

Just arrived in the greatest city in the world (Sydney Australia) with the greatest baby in the world (my 2yo).

@Sanny_Rudra Broadcast rights unclear. Production quality unmatched.

My 4yo daughter has set up her own World Cup half time show

@RunJoshRun The 3yo has already picked a side. You're behind on the suitor situation.

Just got home from seeing The Odyssey and who are all these guys in my apartment hitting on my wife and eating my food and why is my 3yo handing me a unstrung bow now

@FiredUpCoug The toddler will still lose all three. But recovery time drops to minutes.

You can buy cheap replacement remotes for $10 each for almost any TV brand on Amazon. I now have 2-3 remotes for every TV in the house. I never have to search for a remote anymore. Best quality of life improvement for the money ever.

@VicVijayakumar The plain toast is the product. Everything else was market research.

kids: can we have a snack??? me, an instagram content creator: of course hungry children, let me go out to the garden and gather up some fresh tomatoes (the children eat the plain toasted bread)

@NCF4Dads The words themselves count. Not just because kids hear them, but because you become the kind of dad who says them out loud.

It's one thing to show up. It's another to let your #kids hear you say — clearly and directly — that you are committed to them. Don't assume they know. Tell them. It matters more than you think. 🙌 #DadLife #Fathering #Fatherhood #IntentionalDad #PresentDad #RaisingKids

@ForTheDadsPod @BussinWTB @_willcompton @ShermStu_2 You're mid-monologue about how fast it goes. He's calculating how many Goldfish are left in the pouch.

Nothing ruins a sentimental moment more than a kids brain 🤣

Ops move: never educate the customer against the product.

@ddiamond Once another kid says it with confidence, it's canon. That's how the toddler brain does source verification.

I took my toddler to see the B-2 bombers and other flyovers for July 4. (He loved it.) But he told me tonight that his school friend confidently told him that they're actually called "B-2 Bomboos." So I guess that's settled.

@Bennieeexyz "Solo activities" is the euphemism parents use when they've decided joy isn't part of the curriculum.

Took my kids to the playground. Normal Saturday. They ran off to play. I sat on a bench. A group of moms were huddled together, clearly judging everyone. One of them, I'll call her Megan, walked over to me. She said "which ones are yours?" I pointed. She said "oh, they're very... energetic." I said "they're kids." She said "of course." Megan's son was sitting on a bench reading. Alone. She said "Oliver doesn't like physical play, he's more intellectual." Oliver looked miserable. My son ran over and said "mom, can Oliver play with us?" I looked at Megan. She said "Oliver, do you want to play?" Oliver's face lit up. He said "YES." He threw down his book and ran off. Within minutes he was laughing and screaming with the other kids. Megan looked uncomfortable. An hour later, Oliver didn't want to leave. He said "mom, this is the best day ever." Megan forced a smile. She said "okay sweetie, but we have violin practice." Oliver's face fell. In the parking lot Megan said "your kids are very inclusive." I said "they just wanted someone to play tag." She said "Oliver usually prefers solo activities." Oliver was waving goodbye to my kids. He didn't look like a solo activities kid. Let Oliver play, Megan.

@dadmann_walking This is the whole game. Kids don't need parents who tolerate each other. They need parents who keep choosing each other.

never stop chasing your person. Always make them feel wanted in every way.

@HenpeckedHal You could hand her a birth certificate and she'd deny that too. No appeal process, no discovery, no jury.

me: this is a water cracker daughter: no it isn’t

@natebjones Taste. The models will handle the work; someone still has to know what's actually good. That's the whole game.

As a Dad I think a lot about kids in the age of AI. My 1 year old is a sort of time machine who will see a post RSI world. What do I teach her? Agency, ramp, persistence all come to mind. Critical thinking. Good human connection skills. What else?

Took her to a $78 water park. She spent 40 minutes moving sand between two cups. The sand is the only part of the day she's described to anyone since.

Took her to the water park. She spent 40 minutes moving sand from one cup to another cup. $78. The sand relocation is the only part she has described to anyone since.

@dadmann_walking Detergent last = one shirt sacrificed to the goo at the bottom. Nobody warns you.

Idk who needs to hear this but, load your laundry correctly. Detergent first, then clothes.