Dave Collins

@TaylorLorenz “Virtual meeting mullet”: biz casual up top, yoga pants on bottom

@missmollymary They DO exist!

@DaveKCollins we struck gold yesterday

full of regret that i havent been documenting and ranking every single passed app i have been handed at a formal event

@missmollymary I’m flying to Burbank today and I can’t wait for my 5 min walk off the plane on the big outdoor steps straight to the curb. It’s great!

i love a regional airport. 30 seconds in security line, 3 gates total, the privilege of buying a coffee from a non-chain kiosk where the menu is in comic sans and they've invented entirely new coffee drinks not found in major cities

@connorbwhite @asmith83 Yea man! I used to do this to get fantasy football data I could mess around with 🤓

@asmith83 @DaveKCollins you aware?

wait are you kidding me

@saywhatagain @DaremstrSpoodle I think this is what would get made if cumtown sold their movie rights

@DaremstrSpoodle I’d be shocked if this hasn’t already been explored on film in some way

Pitch for a body horror film: guy takes sketchy dick pills, his dick starts getting longer, and doesn’t stop

@HannahRKeyser “Our ass is in the Jackpot, Terry!” Never heard that phrase before but definitely going to find a way to use it next time I need to defend myself in a screaming match 😅

@Shorester @RyanRadia @johnlevenstein @saywhatagain Yessss! I remember filming that

@RyanRadia @johnlevenstein I was just thinking about that post office. I was in a short film @saywhatagain directed where @DaveKCollins and I had to run like mad in front of the little wall outside so our characters could mail a letter in time

CNN legal analyst could thin out the toy collection.

@missmollymary In the 2000’s you had to watch local teams because that’s all you could get on TV (unless your parents bought a super special satellite package). Now a kid can watch any game (globally) online so there’s less of a need to only be a local team fan.

@missmollymary My Take: Sports are for kids, and kids used to follow teams regardless of who’s on the roster. Now kids generally have a favorite individual athlete in a team sport and that takes precedence over “rooting for laundry”

early-to-mid '00s sports movies were all about TEAMS (remember the titans, friday night lights, we are marshall, i'm counting drumline here, bend it like beckham). now i feel like it's all individual heroes (boxers, wrestlers, figure skaters). what's that all about

@stavvybaby Trickle down shrimp-a-nomics

dropped 2 shrimps grilling the other night but I won’t pick them up bc I want a bird to have a really nice lunch

@JoelSinensky Looking forward to seeing this as one of those little “a closer look” boxes inside the text of my future child’s AP American history book.

Q: It's a brand new year. Where should you invest your time and money? A: Virtual communication skills! Oak and Reeds helps our clients avoid the ways virtual platforms distort words, tone, body language, and emotions and sap the humanity out of live, online interactions.

@MitchWLerner @saywhatagain Also add Mrs. Doubtfire for me plz

@saywhatagain Gold. Would put Spaceballs in the box

Would like to propose the movie genre of “vhs bangers” and suggest almost all of these are in it

@missmollymary Fight for someone you don’t know in 2021!

here are my last coherent/emo tweets of 2020 bc i love to “wrap things up”: i’d probably have ended this year feeling terrible about humanity but i didn’t and it’s because of the bernie campaign

@netw3rk @kevinarnovitz Favorite part was after @ZachLowe_NBA warned him about puppy mayhem at the end he calmly replies with “we’re prepared”.

Epic Lowe Post content today: @kevinarnovitz talking about his puppy

@CaseyNewton Tiberium

@CaseyNewton "Marry/Fuck/Kill...The other three guys"

@ThisGuyThinks He’d roundhouse kick masks from his foot onto your face

Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering how Dalton from Roadhouse would enforce a mask policy.

@stefanfatsis @TonyReali The prominently displayed “ETF’s for Dummies” book asks many more questions than it answers

@CaseyNewton What’s an improv troupe? I’m a zoom insult comic now