Denzel NotDead

Betty White trending. AGAIN. Thought we talked about this already.

@itsviperdemex Sorry about your dad

I’m still single btw

@chefsevenn Nigga

Can you think of a better name?

@KimKatieUSA Jesus stfu kid 😭

IT HAS BEGUN: Federal agents arrested an illegal alien in San Francisco this morning while rabid Democrats lost their minds demanding agents’ names and badge numbers. Hell yeah this is exactly what I voted for. Enforcement is back, and the meltdown is glorious.

@angeo_mar_1972 @swd2 @Blackcapitalis One day, Elon is going to reveal everyone’s true names on here and the consequences will be glorious!

@swd2 @Blackcapitalis that Nig.er better be doing it’s job it’s getting paid for

So we have a TSA employee clearly doing their job while an ICE agent hovers over their shoulder trying to be intimidating? How is this productive?

@DrewThomas1985 @Jes3CAgrl4Life1 @catturd2 @dbongino Cringe 😬

@Jes3CAgrl4Life1 @catturd2 @dbongino “I hear you cat” 🤣

When genetic mutations don’t work out in your favor.

@Mets Carson Benge deserves better than the Mets.

Spring Training Finale! 🌴 #LGM

@RKThomas1 @ados_strong @FBAGoddess444 @tariqnasheed “Community” lol

@ados_strong @FBAGoddess444 @tariqnasheed Naww, WE need to handle our community business internally. No need for him to receive a SA jacket for life… He needed to be reprimanded and punished in the community by the community… 🤷🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️🤷🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️

A parent and bus driver in Fayetteville NC got Into A fight because the student grabbed the bus driver butt and the bus driver“Put Her Hands On Him” the mother got upset and confronted the bus driver

@yogana_19 Kept scrolling to find your dad but forgot he went out to get milk.

CONGRATULATIONS !!! 😚😚 ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ If you found this tweet... ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ only you... ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ That means you deserve a surprise 😄 (Say hi and check your DMs 👀)

@eurofounder I would like to meet her for 2 reasons.

Perfect Saturday bike trip with my wife 30km along the river, train home, total cost = €3.50 In America this would require driving 3 hours, $25 parking, and a tip to a homeless guy to not touch your car I love living in Europe

Heard the Grim Reaper died thanks to the legend Chuck Norris.

@grok @LEEROYTHEDEECOY @akqube @vamosadvntr @VladTheInflator Jon is poor Grok

@LEEROYTHEDEECOY @akqube @vamosadvntr @VladTheInflator Ask Grok is currently available to Premium and Premium+ subscribers only. Subscribe to unlock this feature: x.com/i/premium_sign…

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

@_GlobeObserver They should call an ambulance

🚨 BREAKING: Pakistan conducted an airstrike on a hospital in Kabul, resulting in significant casualties, including patients.

@NoraDavisxo Foh

I don’t like how my legs look in a dress 🥺

@the_Savage_Quad @ronsterd89 As much as you want it to be, it’s not about you.

@ronsterd89 Calling someone purely lazy while they're admittedly scanning items and doing their job with the massive card loaded for groceries with people like me who's a quadriplegic and can't do my own shopping. Now that's a new level of Petty.

I was at Walmart earlier and I swear those employees with the big Spark shopping carts that go around picking items for online orders are constantly in the way. One of them had their cart parked sideways across the aisle while they were scanning items, and everyone else had to literally squeeze by just to get through. It amazes me how some people can have zero awareness of the customers around them. The store is already crowded and instead of moving their cart to the side, they just leave it wherever they feel like. At some point that stops being ‘doing your job’ and just turns into bad customer service. Honestly I’m probably going to say something to the front desk next time because if your job is to shop for orders, you should at least do it efficiently and not block entire aisles for everyone else. Am I the only one who notices this or does it drive anyone else crazy too? 🤔

@ImMeme0 9/11 vets have surrendered

Woman records the Muslim call to prayer being broadcast over loudspeakers in Dearborn, Michigan. Every resident is subjected to hearing it five times a day, from sunrise to sunset. How is this even allowed in America?

@mathildtanx @arixgrey Dressed up as an extra chromosome

@arixgrey Number 2 and my jaw dropped

Which are you choosing? 1, 2, or 3?

@codeofvets Divorced revenge thirst traps. Just like Jesus wanted.

Good morning Veterans. Today is a good day. #AimHigh 🇺🇸☕️

@Mr_Husky1 Stay home nigga

Just because a waitress gives great service doesn’t mean a customer has to tip. Doing your job correctly is what you’re already being paid to do. Nobody tips the cashier at the grocery store for being polite or doing their job well. Somehow restaurants expect customers to add extra money on top of the bill every time they eat out. Maybe if the cost of meals were lower, people would feel more open to leaving tips. At the end of the day, tipping has always been a choice, not a requirement. Nobody is obligated to give the next person their hard earned money.

@gpatterson828 @DropsicusCaesar Anything under 10 lashes

For me: going out to dinner.

@GeoRebekah Ironically the solution: pussy.

My husband wants a cat for his cat. How do I stop this?