you already know

You’re embarrassing your relatives of yore with your grammar

Glad to hear Artemis finally got off.

April Fools' Day is dead because every joke is now reality.

Landing on the moon gave us the power to pity fools.

Sometimes I converse with strangers on the street too

Me to high school friend about our upcoming class reunion: I’m single, no kids, no prospects, no career, no place of my own, car’s falling apart… Her: But you’re fucking hilarious! Any idea where I can cash that in?

It wasn’t until after I had finished writing my epic fantasy novel that I realized that JRR Tolkien had posthumously plagiarized me.

when i was a kid i was so dumb i had to be flown to school in a small blimp.

Happy fools day to every happy fool

I hate parties. Especially political ones.

Is Lent over yet? I really need to poop

I filled up my gas tank for under $60 today. The lawn tractor is ready to go.

I told a chemistry joke in honor of April Fools' Day, but I didn't get a reaction.

copyright nerds ... why wouldn't we be able to use VARA to protect this?

Petition to save the mural. We’re also looking for a new wall to host the mural. Please DM leads looking to host it in Providence downtown, but we are also open to Boston. The wall needs to be 45 feet tall at least and 37 feet wide at least. c.org/ZT4Nwvvt2D

@IanGaudrea30195 @sodagrrl Makes me embarrassed to live here

@cowboyjeffkent #TrueStory 😬

@DrinkingDad_2 😂😂

If you’re wondering what I look like without a shirt on just picture Iggy Pop in 15 years.

Using a waterpik after eating broccoli is one way to add a splash of green to your bathroom decor.

That moment you realize that the cost of a Free App was actually your soul.

I was going to burn the neighbor’s barn down and steal his horses for April Fools’ Day, but that guy has no sense of humor.

"Who's pussy is this?" Apparently someone who doesn't know the difference between the possessive "whose" and contraction for "who is/has."