Elizabeth

My mom finding me laying in the middle of the living room floor listening to ice cubes "No Vaseline " when I'm supposed to be studying: "what are you doing" Me: "meditating"

@onlinetechguy Same!

No voices and just background music while streaming Survivor tonight... Closed captions still work. #paramount #paramountplus #survivor

@brookgentry_ Same!! We hear background music but no dialogue

Anybody elses TV not playing the dialogue ?! 😭 We've tried live TV and paramount Plus and it's the same on both!

@Jeopardamy Go off Amy!!! Such a good win tonight

Oh, and for Bay Area folks, I was on the evening news last night! abc7news.com/11283467/

@BonerWizard With out question Jack Nicholson

if I said “imagine a famous person having diarrhea” , who is the first person that pops into mind

When my friends are trying to teach me the rules of a card game and I physically cannot listen.

@BigRedZach She’s giving us something different with the side car seat and rubber feet. Kitschy!

@El_ann1 It’s cute !!!

My perception for what’s ✨cute and unique & thrifty ✨ has really gone too far, my ass really just clicked on a used padded shower seat thinking it was a cute vintage bench 💀💀

@ROBBY_LIBERTY Okay! You called it an illegal restriction implying it was law. I called it guideline. You said private businesses didn’t have rights. I was just providing evidence that they did. You don’t have to patron businesses using the guidance. So your rights are safe :)

Governor Phil Scott has a challenge for Vermonters: The day the state reaches an 80% vaccination rate, he’ll lift all COVID-19 restrictions. That means another 27,954 people need to get shots.

Being vaccinated does NOT mean it’s ok to pose as a substitute music teacher at an elite private elementary school, expose the students to hard rock legends, secretly form a band, compete in a local Battle of the Bands and lose to No Vacancy!!!

the guy who played Spider in School of Rock is now the district attorney of Tyler County, Texas, and now we’re all just going to have to live with this information forever

WHOOPI FOREVER.

‘They will look after the heir and I will look after the spare.' The money she saved for Harry is being used to protect her grandchildren. May we all have the foresight of Princess Diana. #HarryandMeghanonOprah #OprahMeghanHarry

I just disciplined a couple of kids running in our hotel lobby and wanting to avoid sounding too mean I said: “Guys, I’d hate to be a Mr. Mosby, but no running in my lobby.” Their response: “Who the hell is Mr. Mosby?” So I’m 1,000 years old.

You’re really telling me no one thought Jamie and Lynne Spears naming their second daughter Jamie Lynn was a red flag ...or?

Tony Romo:

when people ask who my favourite basketball player of all time is

:/ Brian* but go off Brains Williams

Brains Williams just referred to Trump as a “twice impeached citizen in Florida” 8/10-not quite as funny as “home alone 2 star” but we’re gettin there