Elizabeth Grace Matthew

If I were from place where naming was historically and normatively matrilineal, I’d tell my daughter to run from any man also from there who wouldn’t take her name. There’s something wrong with him/he’s not husband & father material. To upend the norm, he has to put himself ahead of you as a couple/think that marriage is him vs. her rather than us vs. the world. Run.

When you get married, if it’s a marriage that means more to both of you than a legal merger, there’s no “his” and “mine” anymore. I would tell my sons not to marry any woman to who wasn’t eager to take his name. NOT because I care in theory whether they take his or hers. But because in practice it’s a sign that she has a view of marriage that’s something other than the kind of oneness on a single team that you should have with a spouse.

Correct. But it would also be fine it if was matriarchal. As in, if I had a daughter in a society where naming was matrilineal, I would tell her to run from any man who wouldn’t take her name, same as I’d tell my son to run from a woman who wouldn’t take his name here. Because it is not about the name. It is about the disposition to recognize that there is no him vs her and only us vs the world.

I truly hate this argument, which assumes men simply have names but women’s are all somehow men’s. By this logic, it’s not your dad’s name either - it’s his dad’s. And not his either - his dad’s. Your name is actually your name. And yes of course women should have the legal right to change their names in marriage but let’s please not lie to ourselves that marital name-changing isn’t incredibly sexist and a very literal manifestation of patriarchal power. So is patrilineal naming for children, btw. One answer to “but it’s my dad’s name” might be to stop giving children dad’s name for a while.

When you get married, if it’s a marriage that means more to both of you than a legal merger, there’s no “his” and “mine” anymore. I would tell my sons not to marry any woman to who wasn’t eager to take his name. NOT because I care in theory whether they take his or hers. But because in practice it’s a sign that she has a view of marriage that’s something other than the kind of oneness on a single team that you should have with a spouse.

If I were from place where naming was historically and normatively matrilineal, I’d tell my daughter to run from any man also from there who wouldn’t take her name. There’s something wrong with him/he’s not husband & father material. To upend the norm, he has to put himself ahead of you as a couple/think that marriage is him vs. her rather than us vs. the world. Run.

If I were from place where naming was historically and normatively matrilineal, I’d tell my daughter to run from any man also from there who wouldn’t take her name. There’s something wrong with him/he’s not husband & father material. To upend the norm, he has to put himself ahead of you as a couple/think that marriage is him vs. her rather than us vs. the world. Run.

When you get married, if it’s a marriage that means more to both of you than a legal merger, there’s no “his” and “mine” anymore. I would tell my sons not to marry any woman to who wasn’t eager to take his name. NOT because I care in theory whether they take his or hers. But because in practice it’s a sign that she has a view of marriage that’s something other than the kind of oneness on a single team that you should have with a spouse.