Fake Fred Smith

@Jaycee_Foran @FedEx Thank you for choosing FedEx. Merry Christmas!

@Tav_Fox Probably that package we lost 2 years ago that someone finally found chewed up under a conveyor belt somewhere.

@MeNoHABLA Yeah girl, that's the spirit!

@Bettercallshawn I admire your confidence that we're even coming today.

@RUBIX_3_1906 @FedEx @UPS If we ring the bell, you bitch. If we don't ring the bell, your neighbor bitches. Y'all can't have it both ways.

@FedEx @UPS and whoever else I missed…STOP RINGING MY DOORBELL ON DELIVERIES 😒😒 it’s 8am…

@juan_and_only34 @FedEx Sorry, but that's what they do best.

@constantinelens @_heyyymscarter That's going to be so rancid by the time we manage to deliver it.

@_heyyymscarter 🤭 via FedEx

Getting my oxtail early before the Christmas rush

@green_knight1 @FedEx I objectively reject the notion that we ever intended a commitment to excellence.

@_MNmisfit @MilenaAmit @sobey30442 @jeremiahs2021 @POTUS Here's to hoping your new job pays you enough that you can buy eggs now.

Right now, families with two cars driving home for the holidays are saving $200 a month on gas compared to mid-June’s peak.

@Nnix19 @OohDatsSunni @FedExHelp Honestly, calling in isn't going to get you anywhere. Those agents know nothing more than you do. @FedExHelp looks like they're on the case, and rest assured we'll only leave half of the items out in the rain next time.

@OohDatsSunni @FedExHelp Sorry that that FedEx has struck again. If you've got the time and will file a complaint with the BBB and/or your State's attorney general.

@porshadeun That shit looks heavy? How'd you expect one guy on a truck to get that onto your front porch by himself? Getting it that close is going the extra mile, we could have just left it at the street.

I rarely ever have packages delivered by FedEx. Today I was reminded on why I avoid them if I can. Not only were the delivery instructions not followed, but they didn't even put my package on the front porch they left it on. It's just leaning on the first step.

@RonnieLuceroNM @FedEx Any time Ronnie, thank you for your business and Merry Christmas!

Thanks for the delivery @FedEx

@elonmusk Can I put my name in for that job?

I will resign as CEO as soon as I find someone foolish enough to take the job! After that, I will just run the software & servers teams.

Should I step down as head of Twitter? I will abide by the results of this poll.

@Delta Our lost and found to pick up some new Christmas presents for the family.

If you could squeeze in one more trip before the end of the year, where would you go? ✈️

@David010701 @A_S12 @CNBC Technically, I don't do the hiring anymore. That's Raj's department.

@FakeFedExFred @A_S12 @CNBC So you’re saying you hire people that can’t hack it at any other job so they go to work for FedEx? That should really make you proud🙄🙄

"FedEx said Tuesday that its quarterly earnings and sales fell from a year ago and warned of ongoing weakened demand, but said its 'aggressive' cost-cutting measures were softening the blow." - @CNBC cnbc.com/2022/12/20/fed…

@KJ22310191 @FedEx @FedExHelp Have you seen the news? We can barely afford gas for our trucks anymore, let alone humans to answer the phone.

@insidertranspo I still can't believe I left Raj in charge. Coming back strong as the internet CEO of Fedex.

FedEx is frantically cutting billions in costs as its pandemic success evaporates businessinsider.com/fedex-cutting-…

@CroesusH @zzcinnonzz @joshAallday @LaserShip @Nike @UPS @FedEx Finally, someone agrees with me that we're not the worst delivery company- Laser Ship is worse than us.

@zzcinnonzz @joshAallday @LaserShip @Nike @UPS @FedEx Totally agree. Says “delivered “ and dropped in front door. Hello, I work at home and I have a camera- no one came by.

@SquirtLagurski @SquawkStreet @jimcramer @carlquintanilla Holiday uniform code.

@SquawkStreet @jimcramer @carlquintanilla Saw some of the cost cutting being implemented when the FedEx driver who dropped off my Chewy order was wearing white fuzzy pajama pants.

.@jimcramer called $NKE’s Q2 results: “Incredible, beat every single line.” On $FDX’s results, @carlquintanilla noted that: “There a lot of people that argue the real template for corporate results will be FedEx, meaning cost-cutting ahead of the expected rough ride.

@adamanything I guess you’ve never had anything delivered by Laser Ship.

FedEx fr the worst delivery service ever