The Fiction Philosopher

Tim Heidecker’s first Infowars Parody for The Onion is too good. 10/10

@BitcoinSapiens Bitcoin has lost support among gay meth-heads.

Translation: Peter Thiel feels the majority of the value has already been extracted from Bitcoin.

@Pulcys Your adrenaline and focus levels should be up during an interaction with the police. If you can't stay awake in this scenario, something is seriously wrong.

A old clip of Clavicular is resurfacing where he got a ride home from a cop after repeatedly falling asleep during a traffic stop😂

Wow. Accurate.

America’s core industries are now drugs, gambling (Polymarket, sports betting) and prostitution (OnlyFans).

@_DIGB 75% of this guy's comedy is his belly. Get him on a calorie restrictive diet, and he'll be looking for a new career.

Crowdwork comedy is bottom of the barrel stuff and this is probably the worst example of it you’ll ever see Irrationally goading an audience member for a reaction unsuccessfully multiple times isn’t comedy Abysmal stuff

@AntonioSabatoJr A bunch of pop culture stuff, which is fine. But think about something else: neighborhoods, family, patriotism. Think about the chasm that existed between lifestyle in the USA compared to Southeast Asia. Or the USA and Eastern Europe or South America. That chasm has vanished.

1984 was just awesome!

So simple. And 100% true.

@JerryTelevision @horrormuseum You've shown everyone who you are through your use of the word "literally." Now please go away and leave me alone. I'm trying to watch a golf tournament on TV, and it requires my focus.

@FictionalPhilos @horrormuseum Literally two posts in and I'm talking to a brick wall who is distorting my initial post. Fucking brilliant job, buddy.

This is funny and sad, and unfortunately true. And it's not just gen Alpha, Z, X, this has been going on for decades. From Centralparkturtle

@JerryTelevision @horrormuseum There's not much to know about TV golf. Not many people watch all four days of a golf tournament on TV (I hope). The point is you can pay attention to a small fraction of it and know what's going on. If you don't pay attention during a good movie, you will lose the plot.

@FictionalPhilos @horrormuseum There are very few replays to summarize everything that happens across the course, so you do miss quite a bit if you don't pay attention. I guess you wouldn't know.

@JerryTelevision @horrormuseum Passively. It doesn't require active viewing in order to follow a plot and learn about characters. With a televised golf tournament, you can stand up, grab a beer, play with your phone, miss huge chunks, then go back to it. Check the scoreboard and you haven't missed a thing.

@horrormuseum 14-20 million people watch the final round of The Masters every year

@SolBrah Yes, it's true.

The happiest people who are achieving success in their life do not talk negatively about themselves. They do not gossip, worry or entertain realities that they don’t want to happen. They are always choosing to be optimistic and believing in the positive result for everything.

@Tironianae He speaks ebonics.

BREAKING🚨: An Asian nail salon owner is blowing up online after completely shutting down a rude Black customer who told him to "go back to your country." He fired back: "I saw your EBT card. I pay the taxes that buy your food, and you're telling me to go back to my country?" People are exhausted with this nonsense.

@fousey I've always enjoyed my time alone: writing, thinking, reading. But I used to also enjoy spending time with friends and family. In recent years, I've lost interest in the latter. When I'm around others, their faces are stuck in their phones. So what's the point?

Anyone else genuinely not enjoy being around people.. at all? I’m talking friends or family. Or is it a major character flaw? I used to think it was something wrong with me but now that I’m older I feel content in it being who I am. And yes, this means I spend 99% of my time alone. The remaining 1% is spent with people and during it I am counting the seconds until I am alone.

@YoungGun8140 I refuse to serve a large party of minorities Me Not me

Job market in 2026, is this how to pull yourself up by the bootstraps? Do you understand these test questions because…👀🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

@TheWapplehouse That white dude looks really black.

I don’t know why this got me so good

@MikhailaFuller Best wishes/prayers/thoughts and everything else for your father. 🙏

We figured out that dad has a psych med induced neurological injury, and has been suffering from akathisia. It’s been 6 years since any psych medications. Last summer his symptoms started, after a flare up likely induced by mold (CIRS) and stress. It was complicated by pneumonia and associated sepsis a month later. It’s been horrible. Neurological injuries from psych meds are far more common than people know. I made this video to explain what they are and what akathisia is because they’re not talked about enough, they’re misdiagnosed, nearly impossible to treat, and hidden by the pharmaceutical industry. I don’t plan on making another update about my dad, it stresses my family out, and myself, and there’s nothing more to say about it until things get better. I will be jumping up and down about psych med injury awareness from now on as it’s impacted my health as well, and is devastating. Prayers are appreciated still.