Fishish

We used to read Faulkner. Now we watch Focker. Fuck this.

jerk it till you kirk it

One time in college I blacked out and when I woke up I had tanked my chess.com Elo by over 400 points and when I explained to my roommates why I was nearly in tears they just laughed at me

[Werner Herzog voice] Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville

Red fucked and has a kid in ‘ANGRY BIRDS 3’.

jesus fucking christ

i have been accidentally becoming someone for a while now

@icey_melted I hate myself and I want to die

Put me in a movie, I can't act, I'm terribly camera shy, I don't have star power, I've never been told that I have "it", I look strange, I probably have iPhone face, I don’t feel comfortable in my body, I don't take criticism well, I fold under pressure, I can’t memorize anything

Source tells me Clavicular is stable. Please god

been giving this guy a fish every day. he keeps coming back for another one. I could teach him how to fish but I like feeling needed

Just told my bitch wife suffering from postpartum depression that there’s a lot of narcissism in self-hatred

How it feels to be 23

U.S. military officially began blockade of the Strait of Hormuz.

Having teeth and eyes makes me feel insecure because that’s a fish trait. What distinguishes me from a fish is having hair, feet, and hands. What makes me a human is going to a party.

(talking to someone i desperately want to spend time with) well we could go outside together if you want

I have received messages from Leonard Cohen

Yeah I’m on a watchlist - China’s “Real Ass White Boys to Keep An Eye On” list

Stop being a doomer with a zoomer n come get drunk with an unc

I'm not doing a nonchalant gimmick I'm highkey just socially inept and emotionally unexpressive #RealShit