Old Moaner

@Boldyboy1975 Most of that is a typical Saturday night after pub shenanigans 🤣

“Robots are taking over soon" Robots:🥴….🤣🤣

Apart from the obvious benefits of accepting I needed reading glasses, they have increased my enjoyment of phone screen porn ten-fold. Middle aged people, stop being vain/proud, you're denying yourself (literally) unseen pleasures.

As a straight man in my 40s, I have to say that the spell check function on Grindr is absolutely shocking.

@anon_opin Nope. Too dry.

Scotch eggs are the best breakfast food, like a portable fry up.

@JebraFaushay I read that as he makes an effort to interfere with dolphins. Probably not as wrong as I first thought 🤣

I knew the government was interfering with my efforts to own a pet dolphin.

@anon_opin Considering UK coastline these days... one dives in, 5 get out.

All seaside piers should have supervised diving boards, so people can enjoy a plunge into the sea in the warmer months.

@fesshole Grow up ffs

I just let out a ripper of a fart and it made me think of my old workplace where it was acceptable to let one go at any time. My new workplace saddens me. I've worked there for 4 years and haven't felt the freedom in all that time.

@16bitnostalgia JSRF

@fesshole 5 years of old toe nail clippings? Earwax candle? Wank mags? Nope, it's peanut butter FFS!

My wife is under strict instructions not to touch or otherwise interfere with my cardboard boxes labeled computer parts. They actually contain a dozen jars of peanut butter that I eat directly with a spoon.

@anon_opin Cost of Freddos.

Cost of living. High unemployment. Economy in the shitter. Instead of coming up with policies to treat the symptoms, the government should probably target and rewind the clock on the causes; austerity, privatisation, tax loop holes for businesses and the rich.

@Gav_Griffiths Get near that just having a bunch of kids these days 🤣

Anyone else think that £10k pm is quite an annoying amount of cash. Not enough to let rip with Bentleys & Coke & hookers. But enough for a boomer retirement, a daily Pret coffee and perhaps a weekly shop in Waitrose

@anon_opin Kids, wife and wallet is more like it.

How to judge a politician is by asking yourself if you'd trust them to babysit your kids. If not, don't vote for them.

@Fact Only if there's no phone signal

The average amount of time a woman can keep a secret is 47 hours and 15 minutes.

I've invented a game called Seven Degrees of Doctor Who. Pick a British actor, male or female, any age, working from 1950 onwards. Then count how quickly you can find a connection with Doctor Who. I have never ever got beyond three degrees of separation. Mostly it's two.

@Deathisreal99 @ElCapitan_Chaos She'd be rubbish up a ladder?

@ElCapitan_Chaos I see one obvious downside

Cc @Deathisreal99

@Schnitzel63 Eee them were the days😁

The great Rock n Roll swindle, Sex Pistols feat . Ronnie Biggs - No one is innocent

@MhHoban Fuckin lol🤣

Oil prices down 15% overnight, so that means petrol prices will be cheaper today that’s how it works isn’t it

@sciencegirl If you're folding socks and undies like that you're mental

Useful folding tips

@anon_opin Spadecki

Sometimes we should let kids' pronunciations prevail because their version is better than the proper word: Febuary, sumbarine and binoclears, for example

I'm a mature middle aged man with a family, serious job, responsibilities, atheist, but when I finish a boiled egg I still put my spoon through the bottom of the shell so the evil witches can't use it to sail across the river and attack the fairy kingdom.