Nigel Shaw

My dishwasher broke down the other day, so I had to call a repairman. I had to head to work early the next morning, so I told him over the phone, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Just fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll send you money when I get home.” Then I added, “Oh, and don’t worry about my dog, Spike—he’s big, but he’s harmless and won’t bother you at all. But whatever you do, please, under ANY circumstances, do NOT talk to my parrot. I’m serious—DO NOT talk to my parrot!!!” The next day, the repairman shows up, finds the key, lets himself in… and there’s Spike, this huge, mean-looking dog just sprawled out on the carpet, staring at him the whole time but not moving a muscle. Exactly like I said—he was no trouble at all. But my parrot? Oh lord, that bird would NOT shut up. He’s squawking nonstop, cursing up a storm, calling the guy every name in the book. The poor repairman is trying to focus on the dishwasher, but the parrot just keeps going and going, getting louder and ruder by the minute. Finally, the guy can’t take it anymore. He spins around and yells at the top of his lungs, “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!!!” Without missing a beat, the parrot stops, tilts his head, and says real calm-like… “Get him, Spike.” 🤣🦜