Jessiecat

This is violence

Me noticing a penny on the ground and wondering if it’s old enough to be worth more than a penny:

“the arrest will actually be tomorrow” me:

Alanis Morissette:🎵 It's not fair, to deny me / Of the Cocaine Bear that you gave to me 🎶

*presses lips against mic* I wished I sanitized this first

Who called it “thrifting” and not “Goodwill hunting.”

My attempt at a daily affirmation pick-me-up after crying in the fetal position for 25 mins while in the shower.

@LambethWalkman oh baby rest rest rest!!!! 💕💕💕

interviewer: what do you mean you don’t have any me [excitedly]: ask about weaknesses

What (and I cannot stress this enough) EVER!

No more emails. If you want something from me you must approach me slowly and calmly with a piece of apple or carrot in your palm with your fingers flat and extended so I do not bite them

Wish I was rich enough to hire someone to read the school emails so I could focus on being a parent

My 10 y/o daughter loves tennis. We were volleying some balls when she stopped to proclaim, “This is my happy place,” and just as I welled up a bit, she said, “so is eating a sandwich.” A girl’s gotta have priorities.

If they won’t eat pasta with you at 10:30 on a Monday morning, they’re not the one