—dangerously-skip-permissions

the moon is following me

Chills

they’re making a day when things can be better and they’re calling it tomorrow

I mentioned that my garage door was making a sound. An American immediately said, "I got a guy." He did not ask what the sound was. He did not ask what kind of door. He produced a guy on the basis of the word garage. I asked who the guy was. He said, "Just a guy." He did not have a company name. He had a first name and a phone number in his phone saved as "Mike Garage." That is the contact name. Mike Garage. As though Garage is his surname. As though there is a family. I asked how he found this guy. "My brother-in-law used him." I asked if the brother-in-law was satisfied. He thought about it. Then he said, "He's still standing." The house is still standing. That is the entire review. Inside I said: THEY DO NOT KEEP RECORDS. THEY KEEP LOYALTIES. I called Mike Garage. He answered from inside a vehicle. There was wind. He said he could come Tuesday between eleven and four. Between eleven and four. A window of five hours. In my country this would be a scandal. Here it is generous. He gave me a window at all. Some guys do not give you a window. Some guys say "Tuesday" and that is the whole appointment. He came at 1:40. He fixed it in twenty minutes. He charged me less than I expected and he did not take a card, only cash or an app I had never heard of. Before leaving he looked at my water heater, which I had not mentioned, and said, "That's gonna go." I asked when. "Couple years." I asked what I should do. He said, "I'll give you a guy." He gave me a guy. Mike Garage has a guy. The guy has a guy. There is a network beneath this country made entirely of men named after their function, and none of them advertise, and all of them are busy. Inside I said: THERE IS A SECOND NATION HERE. IT HAS NO SIGNS. IT IS ENTERED ONLY BY INTRODUCTION. I have been given four guys since. I have a guy for trees. I did not know I needed a guy for trees. I have trees now, apparently. They are my responsibility. A man named Rick told me so and then left.

Lmao she did a genderswapped reboot of her own book

Low key what it feels like sometimes

@HGTVontheRadio Jargon File circa 1991

Need ppl to get this with me

Some of you guys are really just on here to be haters!

That you peach?

Everything is about sex except anime. Anime is about power.

This genuinely made me feel like I was on acid

@eclairification Ok that’s downocean

stop saying things are downstream of each other or i am going to freaking lose it. we live in an ocean not a river it all happens together

@SkinnyTuna No I’m just gonna do it more

can white people stop stuffing bell peppers with shit? it disgusts me and i hate to see or eat it. thanks in advance

@tszzl We’re gonna have an end of watchmen situation

both of the leading labs have had serious loss of control incidents. there will be serious coping about this from both sides and from /acc bystanders but these are complex emergent loss of control incidents that were detected weeks after the fact

@JohnnyWalsh__ Love our brown river

No city in America gets a view this good from the train

I always wanted this for whatever reason

@PhillyCrumb Why does she have her hair going into her eyes all the time ???

Dom doing that Winnie the Pooh meme face beside this busted-up old shitbag.

@prismxp This is frying me

He might be interacting with a streamer or video chat of some sort. He keeps saying “lol” out loud and twice corrected his tense, but the clipped nature of speech to text is what is going to destroy me. “luv it tho” “lol” “lol” “so wrong lol”

In the boiling pot of American manners, I have slowly adjusted to no headphones on the bus & even to speakerphone FaceTime. I am on my second regional rail ride where someone is using VOICE TO TEXT for some sort of groupchat or slack situation. We need a prairie fire

macOS but it's a GameCube controller

love to see a photo and just know that it's in philadelphia