smfh

I tweet for the people in psych wards

Are you in a serious relationship? No, we laugh at dumbshit all the time.

Yah I'm kind of that friend you have to expain to your other friends before they meet me

Dear December, I hope you bring us more joy and less pain, filling our days with love and warmth.

Filling my weekly pill container like a boss!

Make today amazing!✨️

It's only Twitter. What can go wrong?

don’t lose your socks during sex

reverse cowgirl bc if he dies he dies

I was thinking the same thing.

Carefully choosing my grocery check out line based on the back of who's head I want to beam hate into for the next 15 minutes.

I don’t have a dad bod, it’s a father figure. Show a little respect.

I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, I don’t know, have you tried walking through the room naked?

Nothing hits quite like a September day

I talk alot of shit for someone who takes an hour to stand up straight after waking up

Choose your battles wisely, and avoid arguing with those who are stubborn. Let them be wrong!

Don't hate someone because of what they look like on the outside, hate them for the piece of shit they are on the inside

If I start a sentence with the word "Look," shit is about to get real.

when life gives you lemons, just watch @imvangasandeep interviews, you gonna get the fire and fury

There’s a blueprint above for every broken piece below. Believe it.

Staying a little playful, a little bit crazy and laughing much is the secret to a happy life.