Hope Estella

1/ When my wonderful baby was born in July, weighing three and a half lbs, I started having terrible thoughts

@Edinburgh_CC pedestrian lights on London Road taking over ten minutes to go green today and giving lanes of cars six turns each before pedestrians @livingstreets

It’s been going on for several days. Happy to send screenshots but as email and phone compromised not sure how? Messages on WhatsApp now threatening.

@arvonfoundation hello, just to let you know you have been hacked on your phone and email. I contacted you on email and got a dodgy thing asking me to transfer money to a random account, caller Totleigh Barton and left a voicemail and started getting WhatsApps from the scammers

@Edinburgh_CC hello, the pedestrian traffic lights at the top of Regent Road and Abbeyhill are broken. Had to cross with my two year old this morning and it was scary x

@TedNeath @oi_tillymint @StuartJRitchie It actually really screwed up my mental health, and meant I got no sleep (literally none) for several weeks of my babies life and ended up admitted to hospital as a result.

@oi_tillymint @StuartJRitchie It does give women big net benefits for a time though, so a net win for me.

Here's the rule of thumb with pregnancy and babies: Everything "natural" (e.g. natural birth, home birth, breastfeeding) is overrated or actively bad; everything that people generally look down upon (e.g. C-sections, formula feeding, screen time) is fine or actively good.

@RosieMacLeod4 Thank you so much xx

@HopeWhitmore Reading this, I can smell Full Marks. The 🧠 is amazing... x

A very short story, written sort of like a poem, hopeestellawhitmore.medium.com/toothcomb-57c2…

@Sheree_Trifle Thank you x

@HopeWhitmore Lovely

first poem/story in ages hopeestellawhitmore.medium.com/toothcomb-57c2…

@rhiannonlucyc On Thursday we wear pink.

@Sheree_Trifle Thank you so much xx

@HopeWhitmore So touching and profound, a meditation on strength and vulnerability, where strength is found in gentleness.

I wrote a poem called Bill, about the nurse, who wasn't called Bill, who taught me to wash my son in the Mother Baby Unit, when I was scared I would drown him. hopeestellawhitmore.medium.com/bill-81818f2c4…

@TalkingAboutBPD Thank you so much xx

@HopeWhitmore This is a beautiful poem. You are a wonderful writer and I bet your words resonate with so many people. I really appreciate reading this. Thank you for sharing

@ToryaWinters Thank you xx

@HopeWhitmore That's so lovely! I'm sure the nurse would feel honoured to read such special words.

@Miff__ Thank you xx

@HopeWhitmore Beautiful

@frecklesbaybeee @drruthannharpur I lost a lot of blood and never made enough milk. I was made to feel horrible about that.

@drruthannharpur I did all the feeds every day and every night it’s not impossible with the right support but it has to be right for the family . Knowing what kind of support is needed and discussing it before baby arrives is vital to get through the early wks

Having a baby is the tiring thing… not the breastfeeding. Hands up who lives in the real world and begs to differ? I mean, having a baby is tiring. But one person doing all the feeds, all day and all night, every day and every night… there’s a basic reality here.

@TalkingAboutBPD Thank you so much, this message means a lot xx

@HopeWhitmore I just want to say a huge thank you from me for all you share. You are helping so many with your openness. Thank you so much and I wish you so many kind wishes.

1/ When my wonderful baby was born in July, weighing three and a half lbs, I started having terrible thoughts

12) I love my child passionately, Of course I want to be the Cool Mum for him, but there is nothing cool about this frantic, crazy love. It's terrifying and I'd do anything for him, and that's not beatific, it's huge and it's everything.

11) I know she's a lie now, though sometimes I glimpse her in a coffee shop or in the park, and sometimes I appear to be her, and relish the approving smiles of strangers even as I know it's a lie.

1) I have a theory that there is a huge pressure to be a Cool Mum, and it's very like the Cool Girl Amy describes in Gilliam Flynn's Gone Girl, just the mum version