HowlingAnderzin

I used to date this girl, and whenever we had sex, she’d make direct eye contact with me and say, “Oh, wow, you’re jizzing a boatload,” every time I came, in the most emotionally detached tone I’ve ever heard.

@Rake_Stepping Butt sex is good cardio, or so I've heard.

@HowlingAnderzin he wasn't fat when he got arrested. maybe that dark meat is lean or maybe all the butt sex burned the calories off

Me when my wife enters my office wanting attention during Twitter time.

@Rake_Stepping Eating black people makes you fat

@HowlingAnderzin I didn't know Dahmer was chubby before he started eating people

@Charlie694204 Kids aren't the same mischief makers as they used to be. All we needed was condiments and a target.

@HowlingAnderzin My English teacher junior year made us wait for him to come unlock the classroom after lunch. We used to twist the ketchup packets up real tight and throw them into a really busy hallway to act as landmines. Saw some great ketchup explosions.

In 7th grade my friend twisted up a mayonnaise packet and exploded it on the back of our notoriously strict cafeteria monitor's Christmas sweater. For years kids referred to her as "Ms. Jizzback." Eventually she quit the job and drank herself to death.

@MrMet1488 I remember those things lol. Used to have them at Spencer's I think

@HowlingAnderzin Years ago my little brother tossed one of these in the toilet of a rest stop and the pop was so loud that someone called in a bomb threat.

@HowlingBR2049K @HoIocaustGroypr You're very handsome gosling

@HoIocaustGroypr @HowlingAnderzin Well I look like this so that part is already kind of unrelatable

@snow_frog8 "I'll take trash out in a moment, sweetie. First I need to make this Bull post"

@HowlingAnderzin Someone has to pay the bills (she has a real job unlike me)

@HowlingDeporter Nice lol

In grade 4 we had a huge fat teacher for English Mrs. Stearns and everyday during recess she would walk around and pick out all the best food from kids lunches from our lockers. She was also terrified of snakes. I got so sick of her taking my Dunkaroos everyday that I brought a dead garder snake i found on our farm and left it in my locker She needed stress leave for 6 months and we never saw her again

@HowlingDeporter Childhood memories are always nice to revisit

@HowlingAnderzin Heartwarming story

@Howlingmutant0 If we had to choose between her and our uncle with Asperger's, I'd choose her any day of the week to molest me.

Wish I was getting jerked off in my pampers by some hot chick when I was a baby idgaf how traumatic it would be

@jaxonreborn Thank you brother

@HowlingAnderzin Hilarious story. Even the ending is funny.

@LowkeySchizo It worked. Just say "someone help my boyfriend" like you're a damsel in distress.

My boyfriend needs 11 more followers to make it to 1,000. please be a patriot and help him achieve his dreams. 🙏

@EyepatchMcCaine That's my plan if we ever face a Fallout like scenario.

@HowlingAnderzin Jizzbacks sound like a cool post-apocalyptic currency based on vials of viable sperm.

@TheFreeSeaElf Somewhat. This story just has a much darker ending.

@HowlingAnderzin Calvin and Hobbes type shi

@HowlingAnderzin ✅ 🫡

ICE deported my lesbian grandson

@MBrandosEyes That's what they attached at the hospital because I couldn't cover the copay

@HowlingAnderzin More like a zipper than a seam now

I fucked up The Bulls fade and he punched me in my stomach so hard it split my ball seam.

@HowlingBateman2 Thank you buddy 💚 you make me proud, too.

@HowlingAnderzin Anderzin you make me proud

@HoHoHoChiMinh4 Got him to 1000 and he's not around to see it here's some celebratory emojis 🎆🎇🎆🎇 🎊🎉🥳🎉🎊

@HowlingAnderzin There should have been confetti or something.