Janis Lang

@leaighnk meathead

@MikeBinderjokes Never been. If I wanted to walk in shit, I would have had kids. Met her in New York in. Rehearsal studio

@JanisL8511 Ha. San Diego?

I have to say I used to know Whoopi Goldberg. Liked her a lot. Respected the hell out of her. Even jumped through hoops to get her in my Comedy Store doc because I felt I wanted her to be part of it. Not because the network or anyone else wanted her. I did. At this point I wouldn't cross the street to say a word to this dumb racist, race obssesed, old bat. Here she is flat out lying her ass off making a fool of herself. She's just become one of the dumb old clueless shuffling mindless characters she used to create in her work. F*CK Her. This is a lie. She knows it too. It's a disservice.

The Vikings are in the House! (My former homeland). Boston’s Logan Airport. Everybody’s having fun!….but not Democrats, they never have fun.🤣🇺🇸🇳🇴

@JamieMetzl Tell me. When someone points their finger toward your chin, do you look down? You have the awareness of a grub

Joe Biden is my former boss. Despite his flaws, I believe he is a decent man and a deeply patriotic American who made significant contributions to our country over his long career. Unfortunately, his legacy will be defined not by his many positive achievements but by his catastrophic and deeply irresponsible decision to seek reelection when he was so clearly incapable of serving another term. Even after the debate exposed a level of decrepitude that many Americans could plainly see, he refused to step aside. By clinging to power, he killed the possibility of a competitive Democratic primary and facilitated Donald Trump’s return to the White House. The overwhelming legacy of of Joe Biden’s decades in public life is the second Trump presidency. By publishing memoirs and embarking on media tours, the Biden family is inviting a reckoning that the Democratic Party—and our nation—can no longer avoid. The Biden story is a tragedy for President Biden, the Democratic Party, and America. Speaking openly and honestly about this betrayal of the public trust is essential to building a better future.

@DavidJHarrisJr His music sux. Click the radio if he comes on. Never bought an album. And he's being ugly to the President. What a dumbass

Musician Dave Matthews: "What a disgusting human being Donald Trump is. What a shallow, horrifying, selfish, greedy, cruel little pig he is." Thoughts?

@Victoria00025 Stupid

How would you describe Gavin Newsom using ONE word? 👇

@JDVance Part two. got mad. Threw me on the bed. Suffacated me. God, what do I do? Relax. I did. Pushed me up the bed. Dawned on me there was a shitload of thing he could kill me with. I said God, no no no no no. He flew off me into the door. Like when you pick up a kitten by the neck.

The redemption that's possible through God is one of the most amazing things in this life. He has a plan for each and every one of us, and I've been lucky enough to see the most important people in my life benefit from his grace.

@JDVance God saved my life Here's one. 10:30 pm almost asleep. Insistent knocking. Was given a just plausible enough story that I let him in. Made a phone call. Waited. I said I gotta go to bed, it's time to go. He went to tee tee. When he came out he grabbed me. I bit him PART TWO

@DavidJHarrisJr Who got murdered by his own kid?

Rob Reiner: “Donald Trump is not just a failure as a President, he is a failure as a human being.” Thoughts?

@its_Lexieroy I'm happy for him. Jealous much? What would you like him to do sell off all his companies and spread it amongst cunts like you?

Are you deeply outraged that, while hundreds of millions of Americans and I are struggling financially, Elon Musk has now become the world's first trillionaire, with more wealth than he could spend in 1,000 lifetimes? A. YES B. NO

@dbongino why I want Iran gone is during the 6 weeks we were fiddle farting around, either Russia or China could have slow walked nuclear bombs into Iran. Is every satellite on every inch of the country. These are people that will steal your car while you fucking driving it

@Avabelly__ I'd go give them as many candy bars as they could eat and when it kicks in, turn them loose

I really can’t believe a business thought this was a good sign to put right in front of the store. 😅😅 I was out walking with my kids and we came across this huge sign basically saying children are only welcome if they’re quiet, invisible, and never act like kids. I understand businesses wanting people to supervise their children, but the tone of this felt so rude and unwelcoming. There’s a big difference between asking parents to be respectful and making families feel like they shouldn’t even come in unless their kids are completely silent. Maybe I’m overreacting, but this kind of sign just gives off “kids are not welcome here” energy.

@MbarkCherguia I can understand that.

A bystander called the police on a dad for taking his two young daughters into a QuikTrip women’s restroom because he didn’t want them in the men's room. The heated argument left the little girl visibly terrified and crying. ​Who do you think is at fault here?

@libsoftiktok Maybe she'll disobey a cop and end up in the morgue

SCOOP: Gina Marwick, a school counselor at Vacaville High School in CA, changed her profile to "8647," a symbol used to call for the ass*ssination of President Trump. She also wants people who oppose Pride month to feel "uncomfortable" This person is paid with your tax dollars to counsel struggling children. You can contact the superintendent here: eds@vacavilleusd.org

The people who wanted Jimmy Kimmel to be fired over a melania joke are suddenly ok with a UFC fighter's disgusting 'joke' about Michelle Obama on White House grounds.

@GodlyNations He's going to jail. He's going to jail

Gavin Newsom won’t back down on calling out the Trump administration and says he’s open to running for president. Would you consider him in 2028?

@FloraLuzz_ Yeah. I liked JFK

What should you say?

@kaorukazama We enjoyed having you. Come back and see us

A huge thank you to everyone in the US! You all helped create so many wonderful memories for me during the World Cup. I’m heading back to Japan now, but let’s definitely stay in touch on Twitter. Thank you so much—I love you, America! ❤

@w_terrence If she had obeyed a direct police order to get out of the car, Julia Roberts wouldn't have even known her name

Actress Julia Roberts said : “Renee Nicole Goode is not a symbol. She is an American woman, a queer woman who was doing the very best she could do to be good in an unjust world. And I am honored to celebrate her life and her legacy tonight, because the life she gave is our responsibility to carry.”