THE Jasper Marcus

me at the bar when the 3 tells me I should buy her a drink

She Le on my Bron till I James

She 6 on my 7 till I 41

She net on my yahu and that is rael

It’s free. Pump it now for meeee

HOLD THE LINE. BUY BEAUTY AND THE WHALE

@ekirsch9 Preach my boy

Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. So stupid how we're home run or bust every year. Who cares about the pitching, can't expect to win a playoff game scoring one run.

Couldn’t be more down bad right now. Was throwing up in local last night at 1:30am and now getting my ass handed to me in the gym. Also I forgot to drink any water in between then and now.

@MylaPoohKeybare I’m genuinely dumbfounded you found it. What the actually fuck were u o.

Made a huge burnerverse breakthrough today @JasperMarcus_ #sherlock

Took shot with formal date and about to throw up. This is why we play.

Afters w the dude who has a girlfriend is so dark for him. Like he could be getting play but instead he’s listening to me ramble on about how the f150 is the cornerstone of america

Was so hammered playing pool I made 3 in a row and I asked guy I was playing each shot what ball I was and then finally I hit the 8 ball in and then he called me a pussy. What the fuck

Smoked the cart down so much I think I was huffing metal at the end. I am not a clanker tho

I didn’t know this could come out of a human

I just fucking shat myself because I couldn’t get to a toilet in time this is so fucking bad holy shit what do I do

Call me mister do it all the way I poop and goon at once #goop

@PatrickTapLaine @HubertObungus can’t get hungover if you never stop

@HubertObungus @JasperMarcus_ Not me, I’m getting older and realizing showing up to work hungover is fine

“I’m not drinking I drank yesterday” are the worst types of people in the world.

B2B leg day because I miss her #pain

@HubertObungus The cure is at the bottom of the glass

@JasperMarcus_ Some of us are getting old and fading Jasper

Taking out your phone with pen in same pocket around your parents is like surgery