Jay

@cmclymer $328M in six days and people are calling it a flop 😭 The internet has completely broken people’s brains when it comes to box office.

@colligocritters hey so I'm never posting anything with my arms visible again 😭

hey so I'm never posting something with my arms visible again

@Gravantus Big shoutout to Michelle Obama for making school lunches taste like a punishment 😭🥗

Big shout out to Michelle Obama for ruining school lunches.

@youshouldfw47 😭😭😭 skill issue at this point bro ain’t even trying 💀

if u got no hoes in the sluttiest generation ever idk what to tell you😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

@esjesjesj This guy is going to die in the most Looney Tunes way possible. I’m calling it now: trampled by a horny moose or something 😭

This guy is going to end up dying in the most looney tunes way possible. He’s going to get trampled by a horny moose or something

@carter8f Interviewer: “Is it true all your money and assets are in your mum’s name?” Achraf Hakimi: “When I was 18, I couldn’t open a bank account, so my mum collected my money. When I became successful, I just left it that way.” 😭😂

Interviewer: “Is it true all your money and assets are in your mum’s name?” Achraf Hakimi: “When I was 18, I couldn’t open a bank account, so my mum collected my money. When I became successful, I just left it that way.”😂

@DrewVento Earning $100k a year during the $5 footlong era must’ve felt like being a billionaire 😭

Earning $100k a year in the $5 footlong era must have felt so good

@latinedisce your girlfriend sees this home workout routine and then watches you spend 6 days a week at the gym lifting weights 😭 she’s gonna think she chose the worst genetic material possible

your girlfriend, who knows nothing (and doesn't want to know) about steroids, will see this home workout routine, then she'll look at you spending six days a week at the gym lifting weights, and she'll be mortified that she chose such poor genetic material

@Louis_Tomlinson Playing the whole discography from start to finish. Proper trip down memory lane. Some absolute shockers on this first album hahaha 😭

Playing the whole discography top to bottom! Proper trip down memory lane. Some shockers on this first record hahaha

@aakashgupta Jude Bellingham’s dad scored 700+ goals, worked as a police sergeant, then became his agent and negotiated with Real Madrid. The Bellingham family really said: no middlemen 😭⚽️

Jude Bellingham's dad scored over 700 career goals. That's more than his son will probably ever score. The difference is that almost nobody watched him do it. Mark Bellingham spent 25 years as a striker in English non-league football, cycling through 20+ clubs like Stourbridge, Leamington, and Paget Rangers. 61 goals in one season. 79 in 87 games at Leamington. They called him the non-league Pelé. He did all of it while working full time as a West Midlands Police sergeant. He'd finish a match and start a night shift at 10pm. He tore his ACL twice, kept playing until 40, and scored goal number 700 on a free kick in front of a few hundred people. Then he retired from both jobs and took a harder one. When Jude turned pro, the family turned down every super-agent in football. Mark became the agent. Denise runs the day-to-day, and moved countries with Jude twice. That decision has a price tag. Commissions on a deal like Jude's €103M move to Real Madrid can run into eight figures. Mino Raiola reportedly cleared around €40M on Haaland's transfer alone. The Bellinghams kept all of it in the family, and a police sergeant sat across the table from Florentino Pérez and gave nothing away. Liverpool wanted Jude so badly they reportedly offered Mark a scouting job and a deal for his other son Jobe to sweeten the package. The family still said no and picked Madrid. Transfermarkt lists the agent for one of the most valuable footballers on Earth with a single word: "Relatives."

@ToonHive ‘Steven Universe’ fans are speculating that Pearl may be a MAGA supporter after noticing her voice actress follows Charlie Kirk and several MAGA-affiliated accounts 😭

‘Steven Universe’ fans are speculating that Deedee Magno Hall, the voice of Pearl, may support MAGA after noticing she follows Charlie Kirk and several MAGA-affiliated accounts on Instagram.

@ChefGruel Before you toss your eggs, check the carton. If you see plant code P-1950 or 0840962 and a Julian date between 157–184, don’t eat them. 🥚⚠️

Before you toss your eggs, check the carton. The recalled eggs have plant code P-1950 or 0840962 and a Julian date between 157–184 (printed on the side of the carton). If yours matches, don’t eat them

@Daykerpriest People argue over who the villain is and completely miss the point. The real tragedy is that every attempt to force love destroys the one thing that makes love meaningful: choice.

People argue over who the villain is and completely miss the point. The real tragedy is that every attempt to force love destroys the very thing that makes love meaningful: choice.

@gwenstacying wait this is literally the plot of a children’s book 😭 the clone gains so much sympathy that one of the adults kills the old man he was created to donate organs to so he can finally be free 💀

There’s a children’s book with this exact premise and the clone gains so much sympathy from the adults around him one kills the old guy he was made to give organs to so he can finally be free

@clintfrazier SOMEBODY TALK TO ME. HOW MUCH IS THIS WORTH? DO I SCRATCH THE CODE OFF THE BACK? I NEED ANSWERS 😭

SOMEBODY TALK TO ME. HOW MUCH IS THIS WORTH? DO I SCRATCH THE CODE OFF ON THE BACK? NEED ANSWERS.

@BuckSexton Ladies, never forget: the friend who tells you “you’d look great with short hair” is fighting a secret war against you 😭

Ladies, never forget: the friend who tells you "oh you'd look great with short hair" is the friend who secretly hates you

@selovelenaa god had nothing to do with it. you mean plastic surgeons took their time with kylie jenner 😭

god has nothing to do with it. you mean plastic surgeons took their time with kylie jenner... 😭

@cheekrneatchews I have something to say but everyone has to promise not to yell at me 😭

i have something to say but everyone has to promise not to yell at me

@nbsmallerbear ESPN cutting ties with Ryan Clark after a decade is actually crazy. A major part of their NFL coverage gone right before Super Bowl LX 😳

👌

@katyakayy She said: “Nothing. I just wanted to ask you something.” 😭😭

I ignored my mom's calls because I was in a meeting. She called six times in a row. By the third call, my heart was racing. By the sixth, I was convinced someone in the family had died. The second the meeting ended, I ran outside and called her back. She answered on the first ring. I could barely get the words out. "Mom... what's wrong?"

@lyleswontmiss My soul would leave my body immediately 😭

My soul would leave my body immediately.