Jessica Kate

@fitbit is it right that the new app update means I can't turn off calories burned on the Today view? It feels much less customisable now.

@tescomobile how can I call your support line, please? Need to change my billing address to upgrade my phone, and cannot do this online because my phone is not working

@petefrasermusic Same!

@1030 Amen 👐

This site needs less rate limiting and more hate limiting

@_antlerbeast Phwoar this looks great. How much cheddar and jalapeño did you add? We make plain sourdough all the time but never added to it.

@EdinsNicestBoy So glad this is one of my 600 tweets today

Only got 600 tweets today? Why not make one of them this pic of my dog begging for pasta.

@outonbluesix I met Donald Duck at Disneyland when i was 10. He gave me a "kiss" on the forehead with his enormous plastic bill but just sort of headbutted me so I had a bruise on my forehead all weekend. 10/10

Did you ever 'meet' a fictional character at an event? I once 'met' Skeletor at an in-store appearance, except it was an actor in a foam rubber suit who kept shouting "SKELETOR FOR PRESIDENT" for some reason. In the wrong voice.

@jeffvandermeer Honestly at this point, you think people would understand your appreciation of the baby raccoons.

Dear Worriers: Rather than answer all of your questions separately. Yes, of course, the baby raccoons will have a safe way in and out. Yes, all necessary precautions will be taken. Yes, this will be safe. Yes. Don't worry. Am not dipshit.

@robpalkwriter Me, a woman who does indeed like butterflies:

@anon_opin Ooh you're so quirky and interesting aren't you

Some revered bands are just glorified one hit wonders who had a cool t-shirt, like Motorhead or Joy Division.

@anon_opin We own a 3D printer. It works fine.

I'm always amused when you see items about the wonders of 3D printing. They expect us to believe it's a viable real-world technology when, in over 40 years, they've yet to produce a reliable domestic inkjet printer that works for more than a few months.

@SlateTwitch That's the spirit!

@SkyNews What a joke. We had the heating set to only come on when it dropped to 10 degrees 😂

The royal family, as well as their staff and guests, were living with temperatures set at 19C during the winter trib.al/DeOrmuV

@TheSimCommunity Great news for Paralives I guess

❗The Sims 5 is planned to release as a Free to Play game! simscommunity.info/2023/06/28/the…

He's pretty cool

@fesshole Eating disorders ahoy! Congrats on ruining your kids' relationship with food.

If one of the kids has been an arsehole during the day, I make their least favourite food for dinner. I tell them with a smile what they are having and enjoy the look on their face when they realise it's the one meal they hate the most and they'll have to eat it all regardless.

@anon_opin But what if....I'm also a gamer 🤯

If you're dating a gamer, you're not. You're his mother.

@Lynn_McGoo The Abhorsen series by Garth Nix

@Coll3enG Every boyfriend I had between 15 and 21 was a terrible car crash. But at least it helped me recognise the right guy when he came along.

If I could recommend anything to young women it’s to stay single at 19. I do not know a single woman who had a good experience with a man at 19. Just stay in your home and learn to bake it is better than whatever will happen to you romantically at 19