Lyin' Tom Herman🖕🏻

Those Houston players are like sons to me and I'll always love them like a father who's 8 years behind in child support payments.

Who do I honestly have to blow to get a head coach gig?

@Rossmac212 Michelle honestly enjoyed her pottery workshop.

She’s got a real talent there😂

@BrennonChapman That honestly reminds me of the Houston fans’ reaction when they saw me on the field at the West Virginia game.

Make no mistake. Lane Kiffin tried to destroy this program worse than the NCAA ever did. He wanted to leave it smoldering behind him. Keith Carter outplayed him and completely shut him down. He’s leaving disgraced with only 4 staff members

@belletjh @UHCougarFB It was honestly just one person watching my back and I only needed one additional credential for him. My boy @coog57 is still pissed that I forgot to flush after taking a massive dump in his red throne room after dinner at the Ragin' Cajun.

Huge thanks to Tom’s “security detail” 😉 for looking out for their old coach. Love seeing them still show up for each other! Thanks @UHCougarFB for putting this together. Wish I could’ve been there 🥰

@Joseph_Duarte @HoustonChron I honestly took time away from my daily routine of counting my money in Boca Raton.

Former Houston coach Tom Herman to the @HoustonChron on his return to TDECU Stadium to honor 10-year anniversary of Peach Bowl team. “The fact I have the availability to be here, and they were doing this for this team - and so many of the kids reached out - it was a no-brainer."

@Joseph_Duarte @HoustonChron That’s honestly how I feel right now.

Former Houston coach Tom Herman to @HoustonChron: "I love Houston. We have unbelievable memories as a family and made so many friends and the relationships we made with the players. I have nothing but great memories - 22 wins in two years, championships and all that. It's hard not to have really, really good memories of this place."

It was honestly great seeing my Peach Bowl team. I felt like a father seeing his kid on his wedding day for the first time in 9 years after I walked out on the family for a sexy AF blonde that dumped me 4 years later.

I honestly considered going by Goodwill to buy back one of the UH shirts I donated, but I doubt they’d have any of it left after 9 years. So I wore a plain black shirt in honor of my coaching career.

It’s honestly a fun day back home at UH. I’ve lost count of how many fans that have told me I’m #1.

Good morning my fellow Coogs! I will be on campus early visiting tailgates so that my adoring fans can kiss my Peach Bowl championship ring! I honestly can't wait to see y'all! #ForTheHerman

@CSOonX I'm honestly looking for an AD that'll say F it and hire me. #OpenToWork

Calling it now: With all these head coaching openings & teams more desperate than ever to win, some AD is gonna say "F*ck it" and hire Art Briles...

Working on a Cajun accent just in case.

I can honestly do both the AD and head coach job at LSU. I'm sure that I can strike a deal with @LAGovJeffLandry. I promise to not use LSU to get a monster deal from Texas because I napalmed the hell out of that bridge 9 years ago. Do your magic @JimmySexton9 #OpenToWork

I honestly can't wait to see my indoor practice facility Saturday. I insisted on UH building it because I wanted to block the downtown view and piss off club season ticket holders.

@JiveKevinSumlin I honestly think that’s a great idea. I’ll be your designated driver. You don’t need another DUI.

Hey @JiveTomHerman, I heard you're heading to the Dirty Third. I got nothing else going on, let's make it a two for so we can really get a rise out of the crowd at TDECU Stadium. Will be my first time back since I blacked out on the visitor's sideline versus Major Applewhite.

@MikeBrem @JohnnyDangandCo Hey Mike, I was honestly surprised when @ChastangFord hung up on me when I called about borrowing an Explorer this weekend. Can I borrow yours? You know that cars drive better after I've driven them, right?

@MikeBrem Hey @JohnnyDangandCo, I need a rush order for a replacement UH grill. I'd have you modify my UT grill, but it honestly leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Hey @MikeBrem, I left my UH grill in the Explorer when I ditched it at the airport. Honestly thought I'd never need it again. Can you bring it to the game Saturday? I'd like to wear it for old times sake. Please soak it in a cup of hydrogen peroxide if you've been wearing it.

Just placed a massive @ChapStick order with Amazon. The #KissingBandit returns home to TDECU Stadium Saturday! #ForTheHerman

@ShehanJeyarajah @OsoMediaGroup @dfank_BU @pbpope @CBSSportsCFB @247Sports @BaylorBears247 @bmarcello @chris_hummer I'm honestly interested in the Baylor job. Mack, give me a call, mmm'kay.

Dave Aranda usually makes the right decisions. They always come too late. With an underperforming team and declining attendance, Baylor can’t make the same mistake. It’s time. cbssports.com/college-footba…

@JBWells_sicem I’m honestly interested in the Baylor job.

To Mack and Linda, Mack, thank you for helping to turn the program around. Your first hire at Baylor brought what we need. Fire, passion, and a one tough ass team that fought harder than anyone. 2-3 star recruits who won, many of whom are stars now in the NFL. But since 2022, you simply chose to overplay your hand each year with Aranda, letting him scramble to “fix” issues he saw….3 OCs and even his own HC self appointing as DC yet giving up 41 to Cincy. What made you look like a legend AD at Baylor was your ability to find a coach who leads with inspiring voice, a coach who sleeps at his office to ensure this team is built, a coach who fights for them on the field, who teaches them to be tough and disciplined, and who makes it fun for them and us all. Aranda hasn’t developed one player beyond their God given talent. He bought a bunch of talent, yet I can’t name one player who left Baylor since 2022 for the NFL because of Aranda. His coaching, his development, his persona on the field, it all was so obviously lacking. He never got better, and you allowed that as you saw his leadership skills weren’t improving. His skills were sad. For that, you failed the players in your huge gamble, most especially this year. We will always be thankful for your leadership, rebuilding it. But it’s well past time you move on, go turn around a program elsewhere. Learn from your gamble but it’s can’t be at Baylor. We deserve to have fun. Our players deserve to become better. Last but not least, Linda, we offer you lifetime season’s tickets to BU games but you also need to let Baylor go of your limiting leadership ways to avoid excitement and a jam packed football game each week. Dr Pepper floats are marketing for 8 year olds. Not college kids She can go show her love for basketball programs at Gonzaga or Butler or UConn or just watch it at home. Either way, she isn’t driving Baylor to levels of growth it should be at today. And no, Scott Drew isn’t on their resume. They inherited him but they sure rode him as if he was theirs. Having a country concert with beer served a month before football season? Great call to tease the student body who would love a cold one and the team could use a few cold ones from so many in the stadium to yell, to stand up and be loud when on D. Or hell about a fan base that act like they are subject to patron rules at Augusta. The students and players deserves excitement each weekend. They intentionally ignore or just don’t want excitement at McLane. That is and will be their downfall amongst other failures by Linda. It’s time for a major overhaul at Baylor. Waco thrives as Baylor grows. Student thrive as Baylor is fun and exciting. Players deserve the best chance to become bette men and players. Baylor deserves the best. And Baylor will get the best. Or lose the entire fan. Dr Pepper float marketing event are for middle schools. Fans sitting down and being silent can do that at church. McLane needs to be what it was built by CAB to be…an ass kicking time. And boy was it. And one day soon it will, although the hope isn’t there with these two. This leadership is boring, massive egos, lacking care for fun, and ultimately sabotaging Baylor.

@LukeStonewaker @DavidSmoak Baylor is honestly looking really good to me right now. Gonna give Mack a call on his burner.

@DavidSmoak Houston has been ripped off before when USC took Herman. The fun never stops. It sucks if your a Houston fan.

Yes, for the University of Houston, he is just a hell of a ball coach.