Johno Ellison

I wrote a book and it's finally out today! I grew up on the River Wharfe in Boston Spa and so decided to walk the entire length, retracing the footsteps of a Victorian author amazon.co.uk/Walking-Wharfe… (Photo by Colin Petch)

@TwoMartinisPls @shesbonky Yeah, I don't even drink coffee and I'm still the one who had to do this in my house because it got to the point that the strainer was almost blocked!

my husband, a brilliant man who has 2 masters degrees: i just saw online that we're supposed to descale our coffee machine every 100 brews or something. should we figure our how to descale it or...? me: 😐 him: me: must be nice having a wife. you're welcome

Fix puncture, continue * Second puncture * @muc_off Puncture Patches absolutely useless * Backup tube of rubber cement completely dried up * Have to call my wife for rescue. * Luckily broke down next to pub... * ...pub is closed Saw some nice trees though. 2/2

Disaster ride * Accidentally went off road on the muddiest bridlepath in Yorkshire * Got a puncture * Tyre levers snap (any chance of a replacement, @Topeak_Intl ?) * Fix puncture, continue * Second puncture 1/2

@thomasforth Hey Tom, I just saw a similar label nearby (just north of Blackburn) and it got me thinking about this. I once went on a hike to geographic centre of Great Britain, which was in the Forest of Bowland, very close to this area. So I wonder if that label is plonked at GB's centre?

Something pretty weird on my Google Maps just now. A town called "Great Britain" has appeared, at some zooms, between Halifax and Rochdale.

Someone made the observation earlier that that Charlie xCx and Billy Eilish song is basically a Right Said Fred for Gen Z.

@Zannabites @fenboy01 Ah, good to know that you can report them, as I've been on loads that were completely overgrown, or blocked by barbed wire etc.

@JohnoEllison @fenboy01 I guess it happens - But that's very well enforced. As soon as any public footpath due to tall crops or fallen style is inaccessible or incorrectly signed the public report you get a letter with 30 days (ish) to resolve, and you have to send proof of resolution quite fast.

I am absolutely gob smacked with the level of contempt an idiocy we’re now dealing with. We’re in a private farm 2 miles from a public road but cyclists have found the roads on maps and are using this as a cycle way. Clear signage saying danger etc. family of 4 with young toddler

@drosickeSHO @fenboy01 Cattlegrids wouldn't stop a bike though. Tonnes of them on public roads near me.

@Zannabites @fenboy01 The problem is that sometimes unscrupulous or unaware landowners sometimes put these notices up. I've seen Public Footpaths and Bridleways with Private, or No Cycling signs, when its a legitimate Public Right of Way.

@fenboy01 We put No Cycling notices on the two gates. We have no right of way either. I have just put CCTV in the Yard for other reasons and going to up so going to re do signage stating no access. The Local holdiday cottage had us a route map to cycle, they didn't think we would mind! Lol

If you see one of those toast conveyor belts you know it's going to be a top tier breakfast

So I played the first thing that came to my head... and it wasn't good enough

@leighalexander I moved from England to Malaysia and Flying Ant Day is about every two months. And somehow they can get through window seals!

We were buying a metro ticket in Bangkok when a young schoolboy came up and offered to help us. It says something about a country when a child feels able to go and talk to two adults strangers in a subway station (in a foreign language too!) 😊

@caitlinwintaur I just had this with Tue and Too. I was really confused, then realised I'm British

I'm a simple man. I see a California burrito on the menu, I order it.

@adam_brown80 @fesshole I'm in Asia and with some of the Uber-esque apps you can request a taxi ride without chitchat

@fesshole I believe with hairdressers and taxis there should be a silence option as part of the booking process, we are the customer, it’s our experience, if we want silence that’s our choice

In order to fully enjoy my visit to the hairdressers, I sometimes make light of the fact that sitting in the chair is the only peace I have away from my tearaway children. The hairdresser kindly avoids small talk and the introvert in me is saved. I don't have any children.

@outhwaitegeorge @Right_2Roam @nickhayesillus1 @guyshrubsole I had similar on the Dales Way near Dent. One side was completely overgrown thorns and the other was barbed wire. It's especially bad if you're swaddled up in waterproofs!

If you’re a landowner diverting a public footpath on your land, is there a legal minimum width you have to provide? because I’m a little sick of getting cut open @Right_2Roam @nickhayesillus1 @guyshrubsole

Was on a flight recently and we all had to fill in Customs Arrival forms. For the Emergency Contact section the girl next to us scrolled through her phone and then wrote down the number for, "Mr Right 2"

Kookaburra landed right next to us! Taken on my phone from less than a metre away. #myfirstbirdoftheday

I met a backpacker in Europe, years ago, who was sick of looking at old churches and told me, "ABC - another bloody Church". Since then I've had ABM (Iran), ABW (Iceland), ABT (Thailand), ABP (Myanmar) andABM (Nepal). In the Blue Mountains it's ABL

@dahontr3 @gazzabiker Plus it just looks way cooler

@gazzabiker I had drops but switched to butterfly bars, but of a tricky switch, but no more back problems and I can look around better, and more hand positions.