Who are you

@IanJamesMwaiK My former barber used to go watch EPL every Sunday am having a shave. I had to move to another with alot of tension

Today I made two decisions that shocked even me. First, I cheated on my barber. Recently he’s been moving like a celebrity… doesn’t pick calls, misses appointments, acts booked and busy. Meanwhile he charges me Ksh. 3,000 per shave like he’s restoring ancient art. Today I decided enough is enough and tried a Burundi guy charging Ksh. 500. Let me tell you something… when that man turned the chair around, I almost stood up and hugged him. The fade was so clean. Second… I left my car at home and took a matatu to a meeting. At first I was tense. Then the conductor called me “boss,” the music was hitting, and somehow we reached faster than everyone stuck in traffic pretending to be important. By the time I got to the meeting I had saved fuel, parking fees, and unnecessary suffering. Character development is realizing Nairobi humbles everybody equally.

@s1ah_wanja Did he react with an emoji

You’re a florist!..My man DMs you to buy flowers 4me!..and a few weeks later you’re sending him “view once” videos of yourself naked holding bouquets and asking whether his girlfriend would like them? Please, where did professionalism disappear to? Some of you are genuinely sick!

@georgenjoroge_ @KeNHAKenya Us from kitengela we are choked daily, spend 1hr from kitengela to mlolongo and back! They have refused to do one way highway,@joelenku almost done with two terms without him asking for a change

KeNHA closed Chiromo Road for months. @KeNHAKenya DG I want you to look at these pictures and explain to Kenyans with a straight face how a road you just repaired has potholes before the paint is even dry. This is not incompetence. Incompetence is accidental. This is deliberate. You used substandard materials knowing exactly what would happen because the same road will need repair again and the same tender will be issued again and the same people will eat again. The pothole is not a mistake. The pothole is your business model. 😐 #CentralFocus

@ClintonObonyo NPS Wonder nani anamtafta.

From dm.. Hi guys, On 30 April around 1530hrs niliibiwa simu tao.Ilikuwa na feature ya kupiga selfie ukiweka wrong pattern. Na Hawa ndo walishika hiyo Simu .Huyo wa ndevu ndo aliniibia na akapelekea huyu fundi hapo around Lamu Road. I reported the matter na wanataftwa. I have all the documents hata receipt. Anyone mwenye anawajua inbox or call 0717604967.

@nikokadiKE @Austo_OG The one you ain't wims

Weed smokers have the best reasoning skills compaired to alcoholics. True or False?

@loddca Huyo kaderr amekwama kwa cabin. Noma

NI MBAYA! 🙆‍♂️

@IRANinKENYA Lakini wazee mbona hii ngata yenu gava inadai ni expensive vile sisi huwasuport jo

Trump was gonna strike Iran tomorrow… but news say Melania has a nail appointment and he's gotta drop her off at the salon first. Priorities, folks. The free world hangs by a manicure.

@_MissVivie Pumzika pema

I visited my boyfriend the other day and after a few days my skin started itching and looks like this. What could be the problem? I'm so stressed😭😭

@Barlozi Bought at @PeachCarsKE I think the best so far.

Who has successfully bought a car on Jiji? Wakora ni wengi? Ama watu ni genuine?

Just in just now. - KRA has just suspended the one dangerous column. - You no longer require the supplier PIN to file 2025 tax return. Enjoy your filing!

@Nyanchama_45 Nyinyi wote ni maliars for maliars,mnaokotana MNaeda kukulana,

Men are so funny. This niggah tulipana na yeye club and he hitted me first. After kukubali all his lies I accepted to go to his place. Ilikua nirudi kwangu jana. But Matatu strike imecause all this. This niggah ametweet akiniita malaya ati nimekatalia kwake. Aki men😭😭😭💔

@NationAfrica None of these is global: 1. Petroleum Development Levy 2. Petroleum Regulatory Levy 3. Road Maintenance Levy 4. Anti-Adulteration Levy 5. Merchant Shipping Levy 6. Railway Development Levy 7. Import Declaration Fee 8. Value Added Tax (VAT) 9. Excise Duty 10. Customs/Import Duty

@GilbertGBOS @SuperMetro_Ke Nugu ww

@SuperMetro_Ke We as Rembo classic will operate

Dear Esteemed Customers, Due to the ongoing matatu strike, our operations remain temporarily suspended. We will keep you updated once services resume. We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused and thank you for your continued support. #KeepItSuperMetro

@freelancerdavi @C_NyaKundiH @eastersins Ogutha ww ni ngotha sana, everyday such officers releases people. Sio lazima akuwe amechukua pesa,buh kuwa mkuu Nairobi central nayo huwa noma

@C_NyaKundiH @eastersins Good move. Only court can release such people. Arudishe hizo petty cash alichukua

Breaking: Central Police Station OCS Chief Inspector Dishen Angoya has been arrested and placed in custody at Lang’ata Police Station after releasing 64 people who had been arrested over public order offences linked to the fuel price protests.

@MwangoCapital This is below what we are demanding for. Hatujaskizana!

After massive countryside protests over high fuel prices, EPRA has partially reversed course just four days later. Effective May 19th, Diesel prices have now been cut by KES 10.06/litre to KES 232.86, while Kerosene jumps KES 38.60/litre to KES 191.38. Super Petrol remains unchanged at KES 214.25/litre.

@NdemoKelvin The most exact tweet of these times, that dude can't handle situations he has alot of emotions

Appointing people like Murkomen and Mbadi is always fun and games till a real crisis hits, that is when you realize you fucked up your country

@BCherich The boss,baba Sharleen should have fired him on a call

Opiyo Wandayi should have resigned already.

The Water Resources Authority Hiring Positions 1. Office Assistant II 2. Office Assistant I 3. Driver II 4. Customer Care Assistant III 5. Assistant Office Administrator III 6. Records and Information Management Officer II 7. Information Communication Technology (ICT) Assistant III 8. Laboratory Technician III 9. Laboratory Technologist III 10. Hydrological Assistant III 11. Water Resources Assistant III (Permitting) 12. Water Resources Assistant III (Enforcement and Compliance) 13. Assistant Engineering Officer III 14. Assistant Accountant/Revenue Officer III 15. Accounts/Revenue Officer II 16. Planning Officer II 17. Community Engagement Officer II 18. Legal Officer II 19. Information Communication Technology (ICT) Officer II 20. Chemist II 21. Geologist II 22. Engineer II 23. Hydrologist II 24. Hydrologist I 25. Senior Hydrologist 26. Pollution Control Officer I 27. Water Resources Officer II (Standards and Regulation) 28. Water Resources Officer II (Permitting) 29. Water Resources Officer II (Research and Data Management) 30. Water Resources Officer II (Enforcement and Compliance) 31. Water Resources Officer II (Capacity Building) 32. Water Resources Officer I (Standards and Regulation) 33. Senior Water Resources Officer (Standards and Regulation) 34. Principal Water Resources Officer (Capacity Building) 35. Resource Mobilization Officer I Deadline : 1st June, 2026 Application Process

@kahome_steve The board(who benefits differently from investors) should balance between expansion and dividend payouts,we investing for today's gets and future

Equity Group is slowly morphing into a juggernaut. With this kind of expansion plans, shareholders should be okay with a 30% Dividend payout ratio as the company uses surplus cash to expand into the region. Any young NSE investor should explore Equity with a futuristic view.

@Ayam_cherono The house is full of jobs

Someone lost his job and people fufuad his tweets about him supporting this rogue government, ameambiwa aende atafute kazi huko statehouse 😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣