Kay Morgan

@theleftbible Andrew Tate always looks as if his clothes have shrunk in the wash.

If cover your drinks was a picture.

I bought my Easter turkey in December. I bought my Christmas turkey in January. I cook for 1, and I've got 2 turkeys in my freezer 😑

Friends and family, it is getting warmer and you may be tempted to go walking in the beautiful Welsh countryside. So, please be careful where you put your feet because these little fellows have now hatched and may be hiding in the grass and you really do not want to upset their mum or dad.

@PopBase Did someone forget to edit the chair out?

Olivia Rodrigo graces the cover of British Vogue.

@GarrusVNBadger I love spicy food, but that's just heat without skill.

Can't wait to see all the "WHITE!!!" replies, but there's such a thing as "too spicy". And that line should not be crossed because the end product is uncomfortable and borderline inedible:)

I've been out to buy Bad Food. I can't face another healthy dinner. I'm more kale than woman 😞

How did I get to the point where I have to stop everything because the cat wants something?

@explodethepa Or you could have just explained it instead of being rude to me.

@KayM77 @DreyfusJames But a sense of humour kay. I have a used one I’ll sell you.

I…just…can’t…🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@RealRodLacroix A boyfriend once bought my mother a huge number of mint Ferrero Rocher chocolates. We went for a drive and came home to a shiny green foil carpet. It was like a serial killer's confession: "I didn't mean to. I just couldn't stop myself ".

If there’s one thing working from home has taught me, it’s that I cannot be trusted alone with six boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

@karenfthompson Before we lived together, I spent Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday nights with my ex husband, and they were "wine nights" (so a good dinner). Tonight was pork loin with roasted red onions, pears, and new potatoes (and kale & carrot), because Wednesday's a wine night.

I have three days off this week my dear Twits .. as I’m using up spare holiday days before the end of the month.. As hungry husband hasn’t really been eating much lately. I thought I would splurge out and buy half a leg of lamb , so I got a small joint for £15 from Tesco.. We’ve had the most gorgeous midweek roast lamb dinner, Such indulgence for a Wednesday, but HH just polished off a whole plate of roast potatoes, roast lamb with mint gravy and Brussel sprouts , We are so stuffed we cannot move off the settee to drag our weary bodies upstairs to bed to sleep this off.. I think we’re gonna be in a food coma for a few days….🤣🤣🤣😴

@MEHPhotos Do not underestimate moss. It's unexpectedly interesting 😑

I know you're busy scrolling, but look at this round moss. Round moss!

@realteaemoji Gave blood dozens of times then did it on New Year's Eve and went for lunch at a great restaurant. Had one sip of wine & nearly passed out. 20 mins before I recovered. Fine after, but got home and my (ex)husband said "Oh, they probably just thought you were really drunk" 😱

gave blood today and the nurse was hyping me up, telling me i had a "good flow," i was done in under 5 minutes, i was sooooo brave even though i'm a little nervous about needles, then as soon as i lifted my arm after it i said "i don't feel good" and immediately passed out. smh

@meredithdicken1 My ex-husband described every buffet dinner as "the trough". He wasn't wrong. Remote hotel in Thailand (1998) had trough but no local food option so we went to their posh restaurant - no prices, but we were desperate. Lobster, lamb chops and dessert £11.90. Bottle of claret £8 🤣

@hopes_revenge I have an aversion to hot bars. All buffets. They remind me of pig troughs. Unfit for human consumption

in 2019 i watched a homeless man lower his pet rat into the mac and cheese at the midtown Whole Foods hot bar and let it eat for a solid 30 seconds before putting it back in his pocket and walking away .

The new trend in funeral ads where they go "Wasn't everybody else's funeral nasty? Ours are much jollier!" is really creepy. Simplify as much as you want, but it's not fun, and shouldn't ever be.

@dippcol He asks for things physically (scratching the door, tapping me with his paw) and only "speaks" when he's got my attention, and I'm being a bit slow.

@KayM77 What a very interesting question

What do pets make of Botox? Monty cat is deaf, so he can't hear me, but he understands just from my expression if I'm telling him he's fuzzy and handsome and can lie on my lap, or if he's a nuisance and banished to his bed.

@dippcol Monty understands facial expressions with some hand and head gestures, and body language. He's "taught" me, too. He'll scratch one spot on one door to demand something. It's usually food related, but not always.

I'm going to die from people saying "The proof is in the pudding". I'm in a very weakened state, and one day somebody I really admire is going to say it, and my poor enlarged heart will go "Nooooooo! Not you!" and I'll be dead.

@urbanponds101 I lived in that flat for 10 years, and it was just that tree, that one weekend 😄

@KayM77 Yes, that’s really quite special, people don’t always believe me when I try to describe just how many of them there are. I was pleased when Sir David Attenborough estimated the Hither Green /Grove Park flock at circa 30,000. Feels like a million

Just, one of the estimated 30,000 Ring Necked Parakeets that live in Hither Green 🦜💚

@dippcol "Also, Felix sweeties, please".

@KayM77 "My lady, I bring news! The castle is surrounded and the knights are oe'r whelmed, if we bolt fast the gates we may yet remain, though fate wouldst have us perish"

Monty cat goes out for 30 seconds for a drink of water and bursts back in as if he's bringing news of battle.