Yesu kristos

Andrew Kibe has tried almost every career path known to mankind in his relentless mission to outrun poverty. If hustling were an Olympic sport, this man would have more gold medals than Faith Kipyegon. According to Kibe himself, there was a time he served as a Ben Kumi, living the luxurious life of a well-fed Chihuahua under the sponsorship of a lady much older than him. His daily job description was to Chew mukombero, munch njugu, and supply high-voltage electricity without an iota of blackouts. When that chapter closed, our boy graduated to becoming an evangelist. Together with the legendary pulpit commander Robert Burale, they became specialists in overnight prayer sessions where miracles were expected. The kind of miracles that would leave church members wondering where their innerwear had disappeared to by morning. Even the angels were reportedly requesting transfers. It's said the ladies were closing their eyes with the hope of touching God's hands only to open their eyes & find their hands touching kibe’s third arm with Urwaro missing,, Chesaa!! When the offering basket became lighter than a feather, Kibe switched careers again and discovered his God-given talent of annoying people professionally. He ventured into content creation before landing at NRG Radio alongside Kamene Goro. The man was so entertaining that Kiss FM came calling with a salary rumored to be worth over half a million shillings a month. Life was sweet until he allegedly started behaving like the radio station was renting space in his house. Coming to work late, intoxicated, and acting like HR was his personal assistant eventually caught up with him. As they say, no employee is bigger than the company, and your replacement is always one phone call away. Before listeners could even finish saying “ Mr Lambistic”, Jalang'o had already warmed the seat. Like every modern hustler, he opened a YouTube channel, pulling millions of views and even claiming he once pocketed about $70,000 in revenue. Then life pressed the Skip Ad button. His channel disappeared after feminist reported it to YouTube, and suddenly even putting food on the table became a challenge. Next stop was the United States. The streets claimed he had gone for greener pastures. But the gossipers claimed he had found another vintage baddie where his work was to supply high voltage electricity to the mumama for survival. Whichever version you choose to believe, our horizontal engineer cum podcaster eventually returned home ready to launch his own streaming platform, Ya-Africa. Unfortunately, Kenyans treated the subscription button the same way they treat gym memberships in January,, lots of promises, zero commitment. The platform stalled before it could even leave the parking lot. Not one to surrender, Kibe reinvented himself once again,, and this time as an author. He released 28 Commandments, but marketing a book that heavily criticizes women to a market where women buy a huge share of books is like opening a butchery in a vegetarian convention. Sales crawled slower than Nairobi traffic on a rainy Monday. He found himself touring counties, organizing pool tournaments just to convince people to buy a copy. Now, after trying radio, podcasts, YouTube, church, books, streaming, and every hustle in between, our boy has entered the celebrity boxing arena, hoping to exchange hot takes for hot punches. He's set to face Peter Salasya in Obinna's Vurugu Boxing event. At this point, Kibe's CV doesn't need updating, it needs Volume One and Volume Two. If resilience were taxable, KRA would have already frozen his account. As a man, you need to always reinvent yourself like Kibe. No time to complain, you do everything to escape that thing called poverty. Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.👀

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