Kool Koopz

@spideyava Aren’t… aren’t they supposed to be low?

I’m literally crying this is the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me I can never leave this app

if you need some restored faith in humanity: my 6yo’s beloved stuffed monkey (named Monk Monk) went overboard this weekend from a ferry near Lopez Island. my wife posted on a local facebook group in case anyone spotted him, and a guy named Steve drove 2 hours, rode the ferry, and then spent 3 hours on his kayak looking for Monk Monk. when he checked in with the port staff, they said several people had already showed them pictures and the whole staff is on the lookout. Monk Monk is still missing, but our hearts got filled in a different way. if you happen to be in puget sound and you see him, let me know!

@waltermasterson What about a song about a specific horse in that it has no name and I’m riding it through an arid sandy climate with a lack of precipitation?

I used to like Rage Against the Machine until they became political. Why don’t they do more songs about people that ride horses?

@woofknight They keep telling me “look in a mirror” but I can’t see anything

@FiredUpCoug I wrote a paper for high school that footnoted the first word 😏

Kids these days probably don’t even know how to make micro-adjustments to their font sizes and page margins. Back in my day, half the fun was figuring out whether you could turn a 9-pager into a 10-pager without the teacher realizing you set Times New Roman to 12.3 pt.

@spideyava You gotta try Swedish ones!

I tried 5 new foods today that I’ve never had before!! TWO OF THEM WERE FISH!! I never eat fish (or many things) bc I’m a chronically fussy eater but I’m going fucking psycho on the self improvement right now and have decided if I can change my brain enough to not be agoraphobic, bipolar and addicted to everything, I can train it to eat a fuckin fish now and then

I tried that last summer. But deadass, no matter how quickly I made the tires on my wheelchair spin, it didn't really seem to help my quadriplegic butt size. /shrugs

@sydneyelainexo Their POV:

the twins from the shining

I like to post about bugs and spiders and other animals and also i like to post about how women deserve bodily autonomy and trans people deserve rights and the MAGA government is evil and sex work is real work and the police should be abolished and Palestinians should be free and every other left wing talking point that makes idiotic uneducated men with control issues very angry 💕 i have been like that for as long as I can remember and i am not going to change

@hrguerra Kirby is wrong in the sense that a lot of people do care, but absolutely correct in the sense that their opinion does not matter

@ecto_fun She said “fuck it! WE’LL DO IT LIVE!” and I respect that

it’s funny how twilight produced two of the realest ppl in all of hollywood

@tractor_owner To be able to correctly use the phrase “milker mogging” but to screw up the other part 🫠

"into Bolivian" is a misunderstanding of "into oblivion" I've never considered.

The catchy song for The Guy Who’s Protected From 3 Inch Bees is what makes this bit great to me.

I quit marijuana for a couple weeks and I had a nightmare that I was on the bottom of the ocean in an old timey diving suit being chased by an underwater Snuffleupagus

@lanabeesfw Sketch artist to policeman: “Do… do I draw the fat ass?”

Me to the detective on the case for my missing best friend: and shes got the fattest fucking ass and a heart of gold and the voice of an angel

@cheaptrickrules They must have missed the first part of the movie where he describes his life as becoming increasingly stressed to the point that he feels like every day is the worst day of his life.

a key point in the plot of office space is that the employees of initech have no stability, and are in fact perpetually on the chopping block because of the gutting of job protections and corporate profit-maxing that continues to make life hell for most americans every year

@spoiltkate_ Oh… no…?

You’re trapped in the last tv show you watched, where are you?

@dieDoktor You can cut a pizza however you want friend, The pizza police aren’t going to arrest you. The Noid isn’t real. I prefer to redistrict my cheap thin crust pizza cooked in a dirty oven to represent breadsticks, because I was raised that way sir. No deep dish

Every now and then reminded that some people live truly frightening lives

@guilhernunes_ Very beautiful but WHAT KIND OF BAIT IS HE USING?!?

tem video mostrando o processo: youtube.com/watch?v=j0zl1r…

@AaronWrotkowski Siding with the legendary Paul F Tompkins over Ken Shamrock.

"Ken Shamrock is a 9/11 truther" he took a chair shot to the fucking face by choice from The Rock. It's amazing he can even tweet.