Lisa Britton

It’s time to find compassion for boys and men. A shift in public perspective is overdue, and progress can accelerate if women—particularly those with liberal values—champion this cause, because the future isn’t female: The future is everyone. New from me for the @latimes 🙌 latimes.com/opinion/story/…

I don’t get it. Congratulating women who are having babies in their 40s while emphasizing that we also need to warn women of the risks when making their life plans seems like a totally rational, compassionate, pro-women stance to me. I honestly don’t understand why I’ve had such a wave of backlash over the past two days. Is someone behind this or something? Lean In?

I’m an advocate for boys, men and fathers as well as girls and women globally. I work with leaders on both sides of the aisle (mostly democrats these days). I write facts about things like the cherry-picked gender pay gap and about actually valuing women as women, not through a traditionally male filter, and I’m not telling women when they have to have families, I’m warning them about waiting too long to start one, like I did. The fact that you view everything I do from that “extreme” perspective says more about you.

I’m an advocate for boys, men and fathers as well as girls and women globally. I work with leaders on both sides of the aisle (mostly democrats these days). I write facts about things like the cherry-picked gender pay gap and about actually valuing women as women, not through a traditionally male filter, and I’m not telling women when they have to have families, I’m warning them about waiting too long to start one, like I did. The fact that you view everything I do from that “extreme” perspective says more about you.

@LisaBritton @onesarahjones Yeah, you’re not right wing. You’re just a men’s rights activist, write stupid and untrue things about gender pay gap and advise motherhood should come in your twenties. Nothing (extreme) right wing whatsoever 😳

I love this tic where right-wing women insist that all women are stupid. Very persuasive

@DownRunnin Yes, and I’m sharing the risks so women will know when making life plans.

@LisaBritton I mean, women can decide for themselves . I had a baby at 40 and 42 (naturally conceived) and I knew the risks going in

I’m so happy for Anne and others. But I’m very concerned with the framing of how more women are having babies in their 40s. I’m worried it’s going to influence more women to put off family forever as if it’ll be easy when there are very real consequences. If they’re going to promote this, we should also inform women of the health risks to her and baby and let women know the biological clock is real and some doors close. That’s why I wrote this piece for Evie: eviemagazine.com/post/40-is-not…

@the_psyche_lab 💯 But, Kabir, I’m “the enemy” for warning other women 🤡 🌎

Pregnancy is anyway risky. It breaks the female body in so many ways. Glorifying it in 40s is way riskier. Great work in spreading the awareness. Advanced maternal age over 40 significantly raises pregnancy risks because of reduced egg quality leading to chromosomal abnormalities such as Down syndrome (roughly 1 in 100). Miscarriage risk increases markedly. Rates of gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, preterm delivery, stillbirth, and cesarean birth are much higher. Maternal comorbidities and multiple gestations from assisted reproduction further elevate complications. Specialized medical monitoring is highly essential, which celebrities get (the ones who glorify). If common people start doing it, the fatality risk and health risks are scary to think of. A normal delivery would be nothing sort of a miracle.

People are called misogynists for saying that women react too emotionally rather than logically. But many women do, and I witness it every day regarding my messaging. I’m getting a lot of angry messages from women suggesting I’m “shaming” women who have babies in their 40s. That is NOT what I’m doing. I’m genuinely happy for these women. What I’m doing is warning about the very real risks of putting off family for too long (which I feel is being ignored) while everyone celebrates how awesome it is that more women are having babies in their 40s. The craziest thing is that i’m sharing these warnings from my own experience. Many of my friends in LA are finding out now that getting pregnant at 40 is either impossible, expensive, or a risk to their health. I’m not even in my 40s and I AM in this position right now. I most definitely am not shaming women in their 40s having babies—I may end up being one someday if there’s a miracle. But I’m sharing the truth and facts of the risks that many are ignoring today. I’m not part of the group shaming women… I’m helping them. Please stop getting so defensive, ladies.

I literally began my post with I’m so happy for Anne and others, though. I think both are important, but there are many women finding out now that getting pregnant at 40 is either impossible, expensive, or a risk to their health. I have many friends right now in this position. I’m not even in my 40s and I’m in this position right now. I’m not part of the group shaming women… I’m helping them.

The correct response is: “Congrats! That’s amazing!” Fortunately, that’s still how most people react. But there’s a loud corner of the online right that has decided pregnancy after 40 is something to shame rather than celebrate. Yes, fertility education matters. But the idea that women are delaying motherhood because no one told them biology exists is detached from reality. Most women in their 30s already understand the tradeoffs. They’re not waiting because they’re unaware of fertility—they’re waiting because they want a husband to raise children with.

I personally see more “you go, girl!” than judgement in society today, and my warnings of the very real risks of putting off family for too long come from lived experience. I most definitely am not shaming women in their 40s having babies—I may end up being one someday if there’s a miracle. But I’m sharing the truth and facts of the risks that many are ignoring today.

@DogPlayingPiano Thank you!

@LisaBritton It’s not just age. For a good overview, see this Huberman podcast with Dr. Natalie Crawford. hubermanlab.com/episode/dr-nat…

While shopping yesterday, I saw a man in his fifties standing in the women’s aisle, intently studying boxes of tampons. He looked stressed, like he was afraid of choosing the wrong one. A female employee was patiently helping him, and the concern on his face was so sincere it made me smile and chuckle inside. I thought of how often men quietly do this, setting aside their own discomfort or uncertainty to take care of something personal for their partner or daughter. It’s such a small thing on the surface, but it speaks to a deeper kind of love, care and willingness to show up. To all the men who’ve done this (or will do it) thank you. You handle these moments with grace, even when they feel awkward or unfamiliar. You don’t always hear it, but it’s noticed, and your awesomeness in these moments is appreciated.

Keira Knightley was at the height of her movie star career when she chose to become a mom. She took a major step back, choosing her family over work commitments, and has no regrets. This is a great example of why the gender pay gap exists. Mothers aren’t kicking and screaming being pulled away from their work like some people suggest. Many 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 a better work/life balance because they 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 to be mothers. Some people say the gender pay gap is sexist towards women. I say demanding we close the gender pay gap is sexist towards women. The push to eliminate every statistical difference between men’s and women’s earnings implicitly frames children as an obstacle to women’s success. If we truly honored womanhood and motherhood, the gender gap wouldn’t be seen in such a negative light.

“For Douglas, family is the one remaining commitment that gives his life meaning, and the one remaining thread in the relational safety net that has not broken.” I’ve seen this play out in the lives of so many men. My dad, my father in law, grandfather and myself. Guys are losing the healthy orbit of things that once made us thrive and is driving many to dark corners. Great work @FamStudies

@RiversSongManga I cover the dangers no one wants to talk about here!: eviemagazine.com/post/40-is-not…

@LisaBritton I wonder what percentage of those kids are autistic...

For the first time in history, more babies are being born to women in their 40s than to teenagers. I’m genuinely happy for these women, and I’m certainly not advocating for teen pregnancy. That said, I’m concerned that in a culture which encourages women to deprioritize motherhood and delay starting a family, hearing statistics like this can create the impression that it’s always safe to wait—potentially leading many women to postpone having a family until the opportunity has passed. Ladies—if having a family is a dream, don’t put it off forever.

Interviews with 30 working class men without a college degree showed a pattern: family ties are often the only ties they have. Many of these men had no close friends, no community, no mentors, and no sense of purpose beyond supporting their families. Read more @FamStudies: ifstudies.org/blog/family-an…

Over the past few decades, our society has systematically devalued fathers. The chants of “Who needs men anyway?” have echoed from classrooms to boardrooms, from tv and movies to corporate diversity trainings. Our culture has told boys that traditional masculinity is toxic and dads are optional accessories in family life. We have stripped men of their cultural and economic sense of purpose, as stable jobs that once allowed a single income to support a family have grown scarce, but we’ve also eroded their purpose for children who need fathers. Who needs men? Children need men. Children 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 dads. Read more: open.substack.com/pub/lisabritto…

Yet a man who says he desires a woman with a healthy body weight or a wife who enjoys cooking is called a misogynist.

If we elevate today’s fathers and celebrate the unique things they bring to the parenting table, we can hand young men the sense of purpose they’re desperately lacking in our modern culture. A Sunday read from me over on S: open.substack.com/pub/lisabritto…