Move Through To Thriving

Long but worth the read. A covert #narcissist presents well. Stellar in fact. They make sure of it. We never see what is so well-hidden, until later. When the narc-monster is unleashed, there is no going back. That monster will never go away. Just under the surface; always.

Hello Dear Fam: Things in my world have turned a bit crazy-busy... & my time on Twitter will be affected. Nothing bad, nothing wrong, just busy!🙃 Please remember to keep #selfcare high on your 'to do' list & keep those #boundaries secure. Love & hugs to all. 💜🌹

@KristinaVan08 @ImwaldHannes Such an important point - thank you. I was engaged to a #narcissist. A Pastor in the Methodist Church. I was told often "God forgives me so....". Sadistic, really.

@MThriving @ImwaldHannes So true! And on the faith side: faith pleas don‘t work either - no What would Jesus do nor any hint towards loveing and caring for each other…

Tears won't work. Pleading doesn't work. Trying to explain doesn't work. Using logic doesn't work. Pointing out reality won't work. Setting #boundaries won't work. Communicating needs/wants won't work. What's worse - these things don't even matter. Not to a #narcissist.

@AaronGaffney9 @StoicPat There truly is no other way, imo. To 'try' to live w/ them, reason w/ them, just anything... leads to frustration, anger, more pain, self-doubt, on & on. Truly no other way. A surgical maneuver w/ supreme precision likely the way to go. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

@StoicPat @MThriving As a general approach the world, I love pacifism and defense. But when dealing with monsters, sometimes you just need to cut them out of your life with a surgical maneuver.

@carolynclement I'm so sorry Carolyn. The sacred relationship of patient/therapist is one of the most important in our road to recovery. To have it become part of your trauma is horrible, just awful. Hugs to you, Carolyn.

Different things can be true at the same time. That Pastor can be an #abuser. That good deed can have a hidden agenda, a trap. Being treated well one day w/ hidden #abuse the next. Never let 'they are such a nice person' lead you away from the #truth of what YOU know.

@FRibersson Agreed. Many don't even want help, seeing nothing wrong in their behavior/mindset. Effective 'help' (imo) comes from inside each individual willing to do the work as needed.

@MThriving And “helping” doesn’t always actually help in the medium or long term.

'Helping' may lead to your demise. Abusers rely on those who try to help. Try to soothe. Try to work harder & harder to make things better. A #narcissist will take this & run away w/ it, leaving victims in the dust w/ nary a thought. You are not obligated to help.

@ovadosepeace 100% true. A horrible by-product of gender bias & judgment. Hard-driven exposure to societal judgment & bias keep many men quietly suffering, unheard, invalidated, feeling invisible. In time I do hope changes will allow greater accessibility & acceptance that men are victims too.

I don't use the word 'implore' often, but I'm using it now. If you are in a #relationship where your partner is controlling/abusing you, or recently out & dealing w/ stalking / harassment, I implore you to find resources to ensure your safety. In-PERSON resources.

@FrauPrivat So glad to know you feel these words help you!! 🌹 🌹

@MThriving So true and worth to remember this day by day. Your words help a lot - they are like my daily mantra 🙏💚

It doesn't matter where it comes from, doesn't matter the cause. Yes, there are tragic stories out there. A tragic story however is NO excuse to #abuse. Perpetrators often rely on their sob stories for sympathy. Esp from loving hearts who think they can help. #Narcissist

A #narcissist will make you out to be the abuser, spinning reality w/ just enough credibility that others believe their lies. All they've suffered, all THEIR pain. All the horrible things you've done. Lies. But others believe. They're doing this before you know it.

@ICanSurviveThis I so understand this & believe this 'phenomenon' of control to be quite common. I went through it too, just with what I would wear to sleep at night. Such control to 'have their own way' w/ what they believe we should be doing.

@MThriving I remember the first time I met his family he asked if I had anything better to wear. Apparently my Old Navy clothes were not appropriate for a 30yr old. I morphed from shorts and t shirts to dresses and expensive brands, under his influence but with my own money!

Criticizing what you wear, how you style your hair, how you spend your time, choices you make... usually starts slowly w/ slight, seemingly benign comments. Then they become more frequent. Then, threatening. Then, threats may come to fruition. Watch for early 🚩🚩🚩.

@Keivaneenpapa Such a hard, hard lesson Erwin. I learned this lesson in my 40s, through a work 'friendship'. Lived decades assuming ppl were good. Hard lessons - serving us well NOW. Hugs to you my friend.

@MThriving That's exactly where I took the wrong turn Leslie, focussing only on the good makes one blind for malicious acts.Naive me🤦‍♂️

Living w/ the mentality of only 'seeing the best in people' can be beautiful, but not if it means overlooking 🚩🚩. Relying on the good times to take priority in your memory to 'overcome' the bad times (#abuse) can be a grave mistake. Abuse typically returns, only worse.

@DeborahGayleRo1 Great points Deborah. Interestingly, ppl typically believe the first 'story' they hear & the narc has been talking up these ppl long before we are aware. Setting the stage w/ the monkeys long beforehand. Sinister, really.

That person w/ tears in their eyes saying "it won't happen again, I swear" knows it will happen again. Those immediate gestures of remorse (gifts, flattery, fun nights out, making you feel special) are manipulation to get you to stay. #Abuse returns. It's a costly cycle, Fam.

That unkind word may turn into unkind barrages of complaint, belittling, demeaning. The strange unexpected slam of the door may turn into slamming of fists. Those texts checking where you are & who you're with may turn into stalking. These are 🚩🚩🚩 that cannot be ignored.