Matt Cooke

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Fahrenheit is superior to Celsius and I’m tired of pretending this is a debate. Fahrenheit feels like temperature was designed by an human being who walks outside, feels the air, and says, “Yeah, that makes sense.” Zero is freezing. 100 is brutally hot. 70 is comfortable. 80 is warm. The numbers feel like what they are describing. Celsius feels like it was designed by a committee of people who hate joy and want every conversation about the weather to sound like a chemistry lab. “It’s 22 degrees outside.” What does that even mean to a normal person? Am I wearing shorts? Am I grabbing a jacket? Nobody knows. You need a conversion chart and a government employee standing next to you explaining the vibes. Fahrenheit gives you range. That’s the point. It gives you more numbers for the temperatures human beings actually live in. You can feel the difference between 68, 72, 76, and 80. Those numbers matter. Fahrenheit lets you describe the world with more precision without having to break into decimals like a lunatic. And here’s the other thing... Celsius is connected to the metric cult energy that came out of the French Revolution. And the French Revolution was evil. Both of the Revolution were to rip out tradition, faith, monarchy, hierarchy, the Church, the calendar, the clock, and anything that reminded man he was not God. CELSIUS IS INHERENTLY EVIL So yes, Celsius may be useful if you’re boiling water in a lab. Congratulations. But Fahrenheit is for living LIFE because Fahrenheit is for walking outside and instantly knowing what kind of day you’re about to have. 100 means hot. 70 means beautiful. Zero means don’t go outside unless you have a death wish. That’s a real system.

Celsius is superior to Fahrenheit and I’m tired of pretending this is a debate. Celsius feels like temperature was designed by an human being who walks outside, feels the air, and says, “Yeah, that makes sense.” Zero is freezing. 40 is brutally hot. 22 is comfortable. 25 is warm. The numbers feel like what they are describing. Fahrenheit feels like it was designed by a committee of people who hate joy and want every conversation about the weather to sound like a chemistry lab. “It’s 70 degrees outside.” What does that even mean to a normal person? Am I wearing shorts? Am I grabbing a jacket? Nobody knows. You need a conversion chart and a government employee standing next to you explaining the vibes. Celsius gives you range. That’s the point. It gives you more numbers for the temperatures human beings actually live in. You can feel the difference between 20, 22, 25, and 28. Those numbers matter. Celsius lets you describe the world with precision without having to use high numbers like a lunatic.

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