
Bloke
4.7K posts

Bloke
@MattJayDee
Non-partisan. This LBD isn’t interested if politics is your team, tribe or religion substitute.














Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey is almost here. Before Matt Damon faces gods, monsters and the longest trip home in history, here is Homer’s nearly 3,000-year-old epic in plain English. Yes, there are spoilers. Homer has had plenty of time to warn you. ~~~ 1. THE WAR IS FINALLY OVER ⚔️ Odysseus, played by Matt Damon, is the king of Ithaca and one of the smartest Greek commanders in the Trojan War. After ten years of fighting, he creates the plan that finally defeats Troy: The Trojan Horse. The Greeks hide soldiers inside it, enter the city and destroy Troy from within. The war is over. Odysseus just needs to sail home to his wife Penelope, played by Anne Hathaway, and their son Telemachus, played by Tom Holland. It should be a short journey. It takes another ten years. ~~~ 2. HE ANNOYS THE WRONG GOD 👁️ Odysseus and his men become trapped inside a cave belonging to Polyphemus, a giant Cyclops who begins eating them. Odysseus gets him drunk, tells him his name is “Nobody” and blinds him while he sleeps. When Polyphemus screams that Nobody is attacking him, no one comes to help. A perfect escape. Until Odysseus proudly reveals his real name. Polyphemus happens to be the son of Poseidon. The god of the sea now knows exactly who ruined his son’s eye, and he makes sure Odysseus does not reach home easily. ~~~ 3. EVERY STOP MAKES THINGS WORSE ⛵️ From there, the journey becomes a collection of increasingly terrible travel decisions. The Lotus-Eaters make his men forget about returning home. Aeolus gives Odysseus a bag containing every dangerous wind, but his curious crew opens it just before reaching Ithaca. The Laestrygonians, a race of giant cannibals, destroy almost his entire fleet. Odysseus left Troy with twelve ships. Soon, only one remains. ~~~ 4. CIRCE TURNS HIS MEN INTO PIGS 🐷 Odysseus reaches the island of Circe, a powerful sorceress who transforms part of his crew into pigs. With help from the god Hermes, Odysseus resists her magic and forces her to restore them. But Circe eventually becomes his ally. She tells him that getting home requires one more completely reasonable step: Traveling to the Underworld and speaking with the dead. There, Odysseus learns what still awaits him and receives a warning about the choices ahead. ~~~ 5. THE SEA GETS EVEN WORSE 🌊 First come the Sirens, whose voices lure sailors to their deaths. Odysseus orders his crew to block their ears with wax and tie him to the mast so he can hear their song without jumping into the sea. Then he must sail between two monsters. Scylla, a six-headed creature that eats sailors from the deck. And Charybdis, a giant whirlpool capable of swallowing the entire ship. He survives both. His crew does not survive what comes next. Despite being warned, they kill and eat the sacred cattle of the sun god Helios. Zeus responds by destroying their ship. Every member of the crew dies. Odysseus is now completely alone. ~~~ 6. SEVEN YEARS WITH CALYPSO 🧜♀️ Odysseus washes ashore on the island of Calypso, played by Charlize Theron. She falls in love with him and keeps him there for seven years. She offers him comfort, love and even immortality. But Odysseus refuses to abandon the idea of returning home. Athena, played by Zendaya, finally convinces the gods to intervene. Calypso is ordered to release him, and Odysseus sails once again toward Ithaca. ~~~ 7. HOME HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER 🏹 While Odysseus has been missing, more than a hundred men have occupied his palace. They consume his food, waste his fortune and pressure Penelope to choose one of them as her new husband. Penelope delays them with a trick. She promises to choose a husband after finishing a funeral shroud, but every night she secretly undoes the work she completed during the day. Telemachus, meanwhile, has grown up without his father and is searching for answers about what happened to him. When Odysseus finally reaches Ithaca, Athena disguises him as an old beggar. Nobody recognizes the king inside his own home. Penelope then announces a final test. She will marry the man capable of stringing Odysseus’ bow and firing an arrow through twelve axe heads. Every suitor fails. The beggar takes the bow. He completes the challenge, reveals his identity and, with Telemachus beside him, kills the men who invaded his home. But Penelope still needs proof that he is really her husband. She tests him with a secret only the two of them know about their marriage bed. Odysseus gives the correct answer. After twenty years of war, monsters, gods, shipwrecks, temptation and loss, he is finally home. That is The Odyssey. A story about intelligence, pride, survival and a man refusing to give up on the family waiting for him. And it became so legendary that, nearly 3,000 years later, we still call any long and difficult journey an odyssey. Which part are you most excited to see Nolan bring to the screen? 🤔





Yes, we know you don’t investigate, report on, or even consider censorship of the left. You’ve made that very clear. It’s more important to write articles about how Bari Weiss’ critics are “jealous losers,” actually, and tweeting bravely about how no one can make you call Gaza a genocide against your will.

@mtaibbi She’s right and you know it. Keep tweeting though.




















