Megan

@itsmaddiemack It’s truly the worst part of having a dog. The more interesting, unique, or cute the worse it is. Really ugly or mean looking are the best deterrents. Next best would be very generic mutt. Good luck; it’s rough out here for us introverts. 😭

If I ever get a dog I’m gonna get an ugly one so when we’re on walks strangers don’t want to pet it or talk to me about it

@SpenserTheGreat This is a new level of unacceptable

Brought a quiche to work and the HEATHENS I work with ATE THE FILLING AND LEFT THE CRUST. SHHSIDHQISFQ9WVE7D9WVSORH

@9_of_Swords @SWilliamBrown33 Had a TM grumble she wanted to go home one day, and I told her she could leave early if she wanted (it was slow) and she was like, “Wait, no.” You tell me you want more hours, if I have them I’ll give them you. Don’t ask if you don’t want.

Newbie:I’m only scheduled Friday nights and I need more hours! Me:Friday during the day? Newbie:No. Me:Saturday anytime? Newbie:No. Me:Sunday? Newbie:No. Me:Anytime during the week? Newbie:Only Friday nights. #retaillife

@JennyENicholson lol the only reason I haven’t already canceled my Netflix sub is because my mom pays for half of it so she can use it too. So much for that!

I feel like not enough streaming services are humble about the fact that they became successful because they were affordable and more convenient than pirating, and they're going to keep making themselves more expensive and less convenient until everybody pirates everything again

@AuthorJFuller The covers of the battery compartments on all the remotes. Tupperware lids. Can opener.

If you were a robber, but only stole things that would greatly mildly inconvenience people, what would you steal? I would steal batteries.

@upstreamculotte Ox lower ales So I guess…also joining the farm and drinking less? I’m down 🤷🏻‍♀️

sow ox yak

@SpenserTheGreat What.

Aaaaaaaaaah! One of my managers is talking my other manager through how to order pizza. Like, which buttons to push to get which kinds of topings on the pizzas. I just cannot.

@PutMe_In_Coach That sounds so good 😍

@itsmaddiemack #wetatertothotdish and Too Intelligent are my best ones

If you have any good or funny or random group chat names I want to know them. But I don’t want context.

@SpenserTheGreat The optimistic part of me thinks maybe they meant to use “orchestrate” but the realist in me knows they didn’t 😭

Sorry but I just cannot, morally, accept "architect" as a verb. You are not "architecting" something. You aren't.

in all seriousness my girlfriend has decided to roast a twenty pound bird tomorrow for our meal and the guest list includes the two of us and possibly the dog (who has not yet confirmed)

In college i slept 4 hours a night (half the time still wearing makeup), drank no water, ate mostly breakfast sandwiches, and was mean. And my skin was GLOWING. What has happened.

@thebannabee @natural_strap @LaShundraNelso1 @colbiechristian I was sobbing while they triaged me for a a broken wrist at the ER and the (male) triage nurse told me I needed to calm down. It was the worst pain I’d ever been in, and I was on the verge of a panic attack. Weirdly, I didn’t feel calm.

Little thread: I had a patient today who was a little elderly black woman. She was telling me that she really didn’t want to go to the hospital because her hair wasn’t done and she notices that yt doctors and nurse treat her differently when her hair is done vs. when it isn’t.

starting a podcast with the woman who lives in my wallpaper

@tharyanking @dr_paging @kareece3 @micsolana There’s actually no official certification for service animals in the US. The ADA requires them to be well-mannered and perform tasks that mitigate their handler’s disability, but there is no registration or certification.

@dr_paging @kareece3 @micsolana It’s just the law 🤷‍♂️ I work at a pet-free Hospitality establishment but once someone brings a certified service animal, we have to legally allow them too. PS those certificates can be easily faked. Which sucks.

my bf is on a plane to miami right now and a bulldog in the row next to him just had diarrhea. everyone freaked out, the dog owner began sobbing, and the dog escaped. now, covered in poo, it is running around the plane. people are lifting up their legs and screaming.

i bet i will feel better if i spend money i dont have

@Emir_ofOwerri @Bamid1Sylvester @ashnkrause @Peds_Ortho Physical therapy

@Andresbv @ashnkrause @Peds_Ortho Physical therapy

@MeganTriumphant @ashnkrause @Peds_Ortho What is PT?

@DrakeGatsby They delivered my package to the wrong building a while back, and the business gave it back to them, and instead of literally just bringing the package ACROSS THE PARKING LOT, they sent it back to the warehouse on the other side of the country, and it took another week to get it.

UPS delivery tracking is like “your shipment is on a truck which is currently parked next to your house. Estimated delivery is 9 days from now.”

@ashnkrause @Peds_Ortho I know that’s not evidence and is just one anecdote, but I’ve been going to chiropractors since middle school for various issues and PT is the only thing that ever had lasting results. Chiro just feels good in the moment.

@ashnkrause @Peds_Ortho FWIW, I’ve been going to the chiropractor twice a month for two years now. I’ve had recurring back pain for years. Hurt myself so badly in Feb I could barely walk by April, chiro did NOTHING but provide temporary relief. I’ve been in PT 10 weeks now & am pain free most days.