Erin Chapman Backup

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD. IF YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF HOW DAMAGING ALL OF YOUR BULLSHIT HAS BEEN I GUARANTEE YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT. SO UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO ENDURE THE SAME CONDITIONS AND CIRCUMSTANCES YOU'VE PUT ME THROUGH DONT SIT THERE AND ACT LIKE THE RELIEF YOU NEED NOW IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHEN I NEEDED IT TOO. I'm aware you probably couldn't care but I've been telling you the entire time this wasn't going to fucking work and instead of doing anything that was NEEDED you did everything that just made it so much worse and now if it gets any worse... No one is obligated to give a damn about me personally but I'll be goddammed if after enduring this shit for no reason that anyone gets to keep making it worse because SOMEONE couldn't do right the first three years of at least this in my head. So no. Don't put your bullshit standards on me while you think they don't apply to you, too... ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU WOULDN'T WILLING GO THROUGH ANY OF IT YOURSELF. I said no and I mean no. Without Saint I'm not living through this and I damn sure am not about to give a damn about you when you couldn't bother to give a damn about me. I don't owe what you yourself aren't willing and haven't done. Stop blaming me for what you caused in the first place and dug yourself deeper in because you couldn't stop. Nothing you've forced through assault in my head was considered then and it damn sure won't be now. You are not considered here. You can mock not stopping all you want but we both know you won't get anywhere this way and you're damn sure not going to have the conversation where you tell me everything you've done that I haven't pieced together (by my choice, not yours). This isn't your life or your body to determine a goddamn thing with. Ever. The excuses have expired. The voices of others aren't relevant. I'm not bailing your ass out when all you had to do was stop and show up. There is nothing you can say that will change how IRREPARABLY fucked whatever the hell you thought would happen is now because of ALL OF IT. FUCK. OFF. THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU HERE AND THERE'S NO COMING BACK FROM SAINT. YOUR WHISPERS AND SLY ATTEMPTS OF MANIPULATION WONT SLIDE, EITHER. I AM DONE ENTIRELY WITH YOU. This is the end of the line. My body is mine not yours. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out.

The original decision to stop smoking meth (which I had started the day my dad died which is fucking stupid to have waited that long where I could've had quality memories of a shared activity) WAS MADE TO TWO PEOPLE BASED ON CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WAS MANIPULATED A LONG TIME AGO: NOT YOU. STOP INSERTING YOURSELF WHERE YOU ARE NOT WANTED OR NEEDED AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD, MY LIFE, AWAY FROM ME (ERIN). The premise for that was butchered before I ever left HATTIESBURG and no longer applies to anyone especially not the abusive parasite in my head. Investment was withdrawn.

No. You are not considered nor do or will I fucking care and I will not be reaching out. Ever. You know what to do.

When pain exceeds all human limits it turns into dark humour.

oh so you noticed my reaction but not your actions that caused it? ok cool

There is nothing that has happened in my head or that he continues to do regardless of how much he bitches and freaks out and takes his problem out on me is going to encourage me to give a fuck about any of it. None. Also no caring about any references made in my body that he's too weak and stupid to have just talked to me about before it got this bad. Nothing. Ever.

I'm not surviving through this. So no. I don't give a fuck about your feelings.

@hippocrise @crocodiletearr hippo is now a misinformer

The part of grief after losing a pet that no one prepares you for is the guilt of thinking you could have done things differently to elongate their life.

There is no coming back from you fucking with Saint. That's a line crossed that will never be forgiven and I will hold others accountable for him to get to you because I'm sure they know the truth. You targeted him before I left Hattiesburg so don't fucking act like your backhanded deceptive bullshit just started. It didn't. There is nothing you say through my head that changes anything because you were too fucking stupid to not stop. Or do anything that needed to happen while you ignore what you've put me through that you yourself would never agree to willingly. We are not even close to being on terms that I don't intentionally use to fuck you over bitch. Never will be.

You owe no one forgiveness who refuses to acknowledge how they've hurt you.

Unfortunately you have to learn how to heal without the apology you deserved

Everytime you go to the store. Send a message. Talk to someone. Drive your car. See a neighbor. Hear a noise. Every fucking move you make: someone knows. You just don't have the torture to accompany you like you've accompanied me. Nor are you willing to. Are you?

Roll up. That's the only option that will yield results. Otherwise I will intentionally run you on a wild goose chase using your own violation. But if it's without Saint I will try to hurt you or what's important to you. It became war when you crossed that line. Now, you follow my footsteps because you have no fucking idea because I didn't do nearly as much destructive and damaging shit to you. Risk it I goddamn fucking dare you cowardly bitch. Tripple dog dare you.

Panic is a hell of a state of mind huh?

it’s so irritating that the ‘villain era’ is literally just standing up for yourself, saying no & protecting your boundaries

I don't have self respect but I do have missing companions.

There’s a difference between anger and being so relentlessly frustrated that your heart shuts down just to survive.

Without Saint, Its literally pointless and hasn't been for a fucking thing because I'm not surviving survival just because someone else thought my life was a stomping ground for whatever their fucking problem is.

NO.