Moose McTwink

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Moose McTwink

Moose McTwink

@Moosetwink

Lumps and bumps, scrapes and scars, wandering through the wilderness looking for his next meal -- http://t.co/HY0Cu0xa

Canada, EH Katılım Ekim 2012
904 Takip Edilen461 Takipçiler
Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
@DonaldJTrumpJr now just imagine your little brother is one of those kids who's actually being mistreated and direct that phony macho bullshit in the right direction! #VivaLaFonda
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
@K1063sarnia is there not an obligation to state that psychics are strictly for entertainment purposes?
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
@TazFM96 " if she gets to pick" meaning she has already been elected. He's saying they should shoot her
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
I think the only reason I grew a beard is to have something I can stroke in public without getting arrested
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
I think starving Africans would hate us even more if they knew we have porn with women inserting vegetables into their vaginas
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
I think my libido is dead. I could count in one hand the number of erections I've had in 2015
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Jimboswelt
Jimboswelt@JIMBOSWELT·
The small part of my heart that is still alive rejoices in triumph after my first sip of whiskey in the morning.
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Carrianne
Carrianne@carriannef·
Human nature is the ugliest part of nature
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
That sinking moment when you realize you're not even on her radar....
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
Online dating profile asked about drinking habits but doesn't list "it's complicated" so I just put down "socially"
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Jasomnambulism
Jasomnambulism@jasomnambulism·
Don't be sad, laundry. Nobody's doing me either.
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
Twitter is kind of like a tailgate party at the Special Olympics
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
I think I inadvertently drew a picture of the prophet Muhammed while pissing in the snow today... Am I in trouble now?
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
Spent the last hour trying to construct a tweet involving life handing Renee Zellweger lemons. The previous sentence is the best I could do
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
This morning I got to hand over every penny I have for a divorce settlement. So here I am Twitter. Tonight... you're my slutty ex. LOVE ME
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Moose McTwink
Moose McTwink@Moosetwink·
A friend of mine told me I should be more positive. After an entire week, I still haven't got AIDS but my ass is killing me
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