Nurse Mamasaurus

Have kids if you need help deciding which shapes of pasta are "yucky" and which are acceptable. Bowties are cool macaroni noodles are out.

Hubby agreed to 7's plan of a 4th of July scavenger hunt. He has some regrets about this now as 7 is quite excited and he's not sure what to do now.

Say what? *Confused* thehill.com/homenews/house…

Just me trying to get my kids to leave the trampoline park without their shoes. This is why I am a gentle parent. I need to listen to them or I'd be buying new shoes...

@RokelJ @GeorgeTakei Especially white.

@GeorgeTakei Wearing a wedding dress to a wedding seems like trying to steal the wedded couple's thunder, that's low class and tacky.

You had one job, Olivia. #Echobox=1684641835" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">comicsands.com/olivia-wilde-u…

@GeorgeTakei Sometimes I'm just glad I have no idea who that celebrity is.

@CatieOsaurus You would think with the technology we have....

@KatieDeal99 @themomessence I think if I ever date again I'll make my date read some of my favorite parts to me. Sounds like a good first date activity. Weed out the chaff early.

People always say reading romance novels will ruin dating for you like it’s a bad thing

@itssherifield @themomessence Uh oh. You probably triggered someone needing to add "healthy" underlined in all caps on some parent handout or another that those who care read.

I’m snack bitch at my kids’ basketball game so I brought Gatorade and Froot Loops and not seaweed and granola because I’m not a monster.

@nikalamity @themomessence It would only add to their confusion if you explained that we don't get to do it as much as we'd like to.

Does bursting into tears have the same effect?

@terrip38 @themomessence I think that's called a "Fan Club."

Maybe all the lonely ladies in my DMs who just moved to this city and don’t have any friends should get together and start a newcomers club.

@Brock_Teee @themomessence Now I'm wondering about shedding. I don't think this relationship is going to work out.

I wonder if Medusa had to feed those snakes on her head, talk about hair maintenance...

@im_all_id @themomessence Wow. That's more than sharks.

Whales accidentally eat 8 people in their sleep every year

@ericamorecambe My sister once told me I'd have fewer dirty dishes if I had fewer dishes. Which is true, but we'd also have fewer meals.

We could have 6 zillion teaspoons, we’d still use all of them.

@GeorgeTakei The best part in that article is where it says, "Conservatives denied that the members of The Patriot Front W were members of The Patriot Front."

Not all heroes... #Echobox=1684668026" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener">comicsands.com/joe-flood-heck…

@CatieOsaurus Same thing with Music. I can stream lots of stuff. However I have CD's that I'd like to listen to (Like Yo-yo Ma & Bobby McFerrin: Hush) and I can't.

*power off* *lightening and thunder* *power on with hail* The above is not my favorite sequence. Is this the start of the apocalypse?

I think I will always lose all composure when listening to Business Time by Flight of the Conchords.

@deloisivete @AnAppleHat Parenthood: Blazing the trail to new discoveries every day.

Discovered that not only has my kid NOT been finishing his ice cream cones but he’s been keeping the half-eaten ones in the freezer and is building up quite a collection

@pro_worrier_ @AnAppleHat Pedantic one, that 7.

11yo: there’s a young fox! Husband: your mom’s a young fox! 7yo: mommy is not young