P-Train

@RazorwireRPG My father in law was a game developer, et cetera et cetera.

I actually have no idea why it is taking Bethesda so long to execute on a new Fallout or Elder Scrolls game, except that they simply don't want to work on them. The production cycle on AAA video games have become so bloated and expensive, they seem terrified to actually start working on their two biggest IP's. What was Microsoft's plan buying up all these companies? To sit on huge piles of IP like some moronic dragon? They don't even make money off all these costs, all these studios and games they own and do nothing with. You can't even say "Well, Microsoft should just make a company called Vault Tec or whatever and all they do is make Fallout games". All it takes is one look at 343 Industries (sorry "Halo Studios") to see how that shit works out.

@chasedownleads She loves you.

I give up on dating

@chasedownleads Call your mother.

No one in this neighborhood wanted my home security system Until a mysterious intruder broke into all their homes last week Now they're all calling me and BEGGING to give me money Lesson: Create your own luck

@chasedownleads Your dear mother.

Just had to lay off 50% of my employees It's always painful to see how they'll struggle to afford bills after losing their jobs... Guess who owns the nearby payday lender that charges 40% interest😎

@chasedownleads Your mom.

Guess who owns the disaster cleanup business

@chasedownleads Your mom is a part time barista. One time I saw her give coffee to a dog.

Coffee shop. People next to me are loud and rude. They just found the perfect name for their new business. I just bought the domain name, scaled the business to $10 million in monthly revenue, and turned around to sell the business to them for $500 million Everyone in the coffee shop stood and applauded The barista’s name? Jeff Bezos.

@chasedownleads Your mom is Coldplay's tour manager.

Just met up with a CEO for dinner Asked what the key to success is “Treat your team like a family. The CFO is your brother. The COO is your mom. And the Head of People is your wife.” Wait, what? I asked But he quickly had to head out for a Coldplay concert with his team I’ll catch up with him next month to see how it went!

@GracePersephone Take A Chance is such a cool song too

Do you guys ever think about More Than This by Roxy Music?

@GracePersephone More Than Most

@caitiedelaney A gunrack?

another Saturday idly reciting Wayne’s World word for word while I wait for my friend to get here

@aaronleetasjan1 We are inducting Daniel into the West Virginia Music Hall of Fame on April 12th.

I told a lady wearing a Hi How Are You? t-shirt at the airport that I loved it and that I am a big Daniel Johnston fan and she had absolutely no idea who that was or what I was talking about.

@jamieloftusHELP Duh. Everybody knows that's Eddie Griffith's house.

the week i moved to LA my (unhinged) roommate pointed at griffith observatory and said ‘that’s eddie murphy’s house’ and i believed it for seven years

@bstrannix92 That's because it's true. It's not a bad thing, that's how stuff works. There's a saying that goes something like "good artists borrow, great artists steal."

@ErionNetique @goodnightrage Problem is we see social cues that aren't actually real. Many are just in our head.

@goodnightrage You need your ADHD wingman desperately to translate social queues and keep hyping you up

I'm being so real: how the FUCK do you flirt with people IRL without accidentally sexually harassing them? I'm so scared of fucking this up. Sincerely, An autistic girl

@NotGlidus I found this image and was like "oh......"

I cannot overstate how unlikely you are to find yourself in a situation where you require this knowledge but here we go. A fully-grown kangaroo can kill you, but even the most jacked roo will leave you alone with this one simple trick: punch it in the face as hard as you can. 🦘

Hardest bumper sticker I've ever seen

@HellenicVibes @excathedraa

@excathedraa The burn marks are from a fire at the monastery where it was stored, molten silver actually burnt through the cloth when it was folded!

The insane thing that no one tells you about the Shroud of Turin is that the two theories for how it was made are 1) a medieval monk invented photography just to fake it or 2) literally Jesus

@DDDrewDaniel This reminds me when I had a dream about a rapper named Crazycyde.

had a dream I was at a rave talking to a girl and she told me about a genre called “hit em” that is in 5/4 time at 212 bpm with super crunched out sounds thank you dream girl