Mr Galt

I work from home, and sometimes it gets boring and lonely, so recently I’ve taken to answering those Indian scammer calls on my headset and dragging them out as long as possible with increasingly bizarre antics. Today I had one where the scammer was trying to get me to buy gift cards at a store and send him the codes so he could allegedly send me cash. I don’t even know what the scam was supposed to be—it was really poorly thought out on their end—but I played along. After about 30 minutes of pretending I was incredibly incompetent—having all sorts of difficulty starting my car and getting to the store—I told the guy I had arrived at Walmart. You could hear the excitement in his voice—this was a man who clearly had very little success doing this. I even played sound effects from YouTube videos I had open in a bunch of tabs so he could hear me parking, entering the store, etc. “Yes, sir! Very good! Cannot wait—I can send you the cash!” Then things got interesting. I told him to hold on while I got the cards, explaining that I didn’t have any money. He became a bit concerned and said, “Please, sir, just buy the cards.” Then, as loud as I could, right in his ear: “EVERYONE GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND! I’VE GOT A GUN!” plays YouTube clip of people screaming The guy lost it: “Oh my God, sir, what are you doing?! Oh my God! Oh my God! Please stop!” Too late. For about five minutes, I narrated a high-stakes robbery, complete with me losing my cool, gunshot sound effects, audio clips of women screaming, etc. It was the most harrowing five minutes of this poor guy’s life, as he kept telling me to stop and just give him the card numbers quickly. When it was over, I made sure to let him know that I got the cards and killed anyone who tried to stop me—just as he had asked. Clearly nervous he would somehow be implicated in this robbery-turned–mass murder he facilitated overseas, he emphatically told me that he only wanted me to buy the cards and did not ask me to do any of this. I ended with a police siren and me pretending to run away before screaming, playing the gunshot sound effects again, and abruptly ending the call. I honestly don’t know why he stayed on the call as long as he did, considering how panicked he sounded at various points—maybe he thought I’d still give him the card numbers and PINs after the botched robbery—but I can’t imagine Mr. Patel will be scamming anyone for some time. So—how did you guys spend your workday?

When danger picks you and you just decline the request and send it elsewhere 😆

@MoneylineMafia_ “I’ll take freezing cold takes for 1000 Alex”

Arizona is going to BULLY Michigan

@Meghan_Ottolini @JonahDispatch youtu.be/cZFhf23SUoQ?si…

The intentionally loud car thing is inexplicable to me, and extremely annoying. Never, not once, has a woman heard that as an aphrodisiac

@Meghan_Ottolini @JonahDispatch .@wolvesoglendale … any thots???

@favor_million @Mr_Husky1 Check the air ducts under the seat. My phone slid in there one time and I had to take out the seat to cut it out of the phone which was accessible under the carpet.

Lmao this is me right now fr 😂 Keys gotta be in the damn car cuz it literally won't start without them. Car's basically empty, I've torn it apart twice... still nothing. What in the actual f*ck is this glitch in the matrix?? Anyone else ever lose something that's physically required to be there but it's ghosting you? Send help or a metal detector lol. (Checked between the seats already, still nada 😭)

I have lost my keys inside my car. Not locked, LOST. To clarify: My car turned on. My car will only turn on if the keys are inside of it. So they must be in the car. Yet I cannot find my keys. My car is not messy. There is very little in it. I’ve looked everywhere. And yet, the keys are nowhere to be found. But they have to be here. Hence, I have lost my keys in my car. What … and I cannot stress this enough … the f*ck?

@Matt_Pinner James Earl Jones visited Michigan ROTC when I was a student and he shook all of our hands.

Who’s the most famous person you’ve ever spoken to? Not “seen from far away” — actually talked to, even for a minute. A quick hello, a handshake, a normal conversation… and you still remember it. Who was it?

@Fredd3099 @Matt_Pinner I walked by and saw him there one time.

@Matt_Pinner Pete Rose when he was hawking his signature (for $50) at a sports card place at Mandalay place in Vegas. Spoke to him for 10 minutes about the big red machine and the ‘75 world series. Felt sorry for him.

@BuzzPatterson I saw Jane Fonda in the California Hills….

The US military has a million sayings. What’s your favorite? They don’t have to be clean. 😎

@JakeAndBall Freezing cold in here fellas.

I genuinely think Tennessee beats Michigan. Vols have the personnel and bodies inside to make things hard on the ridiculous Michigan front court, and I think Boswell and Gillespie will have Cadeau in hell. He’s due for a real stinker

@GBX_Press You’re not gonna believe what happened on December 7, 1941.

The USS Gerald Ford, one of the largest U.S. aircraft carriers, will be out of service for two years after being struck by Iran. It’s definitely not a fire in the laundry room...

@HustleBitch_ Guy that needs a full-time driver.

🚨 TIGER WOODS DUI MUGSHOTS — SOMETHING ISN’T RIGHT Both times: • Arrested for DUI • Blew 0.00 Same story. Nine years apart. Look at his eyes. What do you see?

@flyosity It is weird that people hide their docs and often they are never located.

As I handle my late Mom's estate, I want to give you all an important piece of advice to tuck away in the back of your head: Never ever keep the official, signed version of your Will in a safety deposit box at a bank that no other family members have access to 🙃

@luxemiaa Exactly where can I find this $15 burger?

@Daily_MailUS Bring back the “shovel ready jobs” by Obama.

BREAKING: A SECOND Sphinx detected in Egypt as scans hint at 'underground megastructure'

@AllenKessler @TVPokerRoom @WPT Only 1 in 8 makes these FTs…wait a sec…

Impossible but true 4 fts in 4 days. This one in $500 HEROS @TVPokerRoom 5 players left playing for the @WPT trophy.

@cadeottonburner Sadly you don’t learn to count to 5 at Nebraska until grad school.

Just found my way into Iowa vs. Nebraska twitter and I never want to leave.

@LegionHoops Yeah, but they had one guy in the box for slashing

You can’t make this up: with their season on the line, Nebraska only sent 4 players out on the floor. Iowa gets a layup. Unreal.

@PokerRoasters Where’s the joke? That is most likely totally true.

Many are ordering Garrett Adelstein's book, except for Allen Kessler who is ordering Clark County Public Library to add it to its free lending collective.

The government already has the TSP. Give younger workers the option to opt out of SSA and get a match for a TSP contribution which they can invest in the market. Then they might have a fighting chance to make some real money for retirement. In annualize, one percent rate of return on current Social Security benefits is laughable.

I’m not opposed to adjustments to social security. Raise the age slightly is fine but you can’t do it to anyone who is already within 15-20 years of retirement…they made plans and participated in the system they were given…