Lisa, Duchess of Netflix

My default setting is 'disappointed'.

MAKE TWITTER FUN AGAIN.

Welcome to twitter, we will like you, but not for long.

I couldn't find my phone between my sheets and now I know what it’s like to lose your child at the mall.

As long as you don’t need gas or groceries things aren’t so bad

I'd love to be your widow, someday - me flirting

I think I'll start a podcast, about podcasts.

Sorry that none of your picture frames hang straight, dumbass.

Jesus never got upset over people quote tweeting him.

@real_bechambers @Tongring32 Happy Birthday, Danny! Hope you've had an amazing day! 🎉🎈🎊🎁🌟🍰🎂

Today is my son’s(Danny) birthday. He turns 35 today. Could you please wish my son a very happy birthday today 🎂🎉🥳🎈🎁

“He can’t do that, it’s unconstitutional.” We are way fucking past that.

Fuck you and your click bait.

@braves2430 @JoefromGhent FRIENDS. I already own the complete series on DVD.

Which show are You choosing? 👀

Remember how excited we were when we thought tv commercials were a thing of the past lol?

I've been moving my fence very slowly into my neighbor's yard.

Today, while at a red light, I waved at a cat looking down from a third floor apartment. He didn't wave back, but I could tell he saw me.

I'm Hunter Biden. You've never actually heard from me.

obsessed with ancient egypt bc everyone wore eyeliner and u would be put to death for harming or killing a cat

I have heard people claim that the reaction people are having against AI is the same reaction people had when the internet started to be introduced. And as someone who was there at the time, I can tell you NO IT FUCKING WASN'T.

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

the older i get the heller the no