Kimberly

The key to bad behavior is to be so horrible people no longer notice. Take away the stigma. Normalize it.

If I'm still here in 5 years, taking pictures of my tits and talking to you assholes, please kill me.

[getting kidnapped] HOPE YOU HAVE LOTS OF SNACKS

To all of my double digit followers, please don't retweet/favorite my tweets because I need to stay humble and unfunny.

[during sex] Where do I put my Capri Sun?

Fat Girl PSA: Buffalo wing sauce is not, I REPEAT, is not a sexual lubricant.

*rides your beard while eating Buffalo Wings*

Fat Girl PSA: Cellulite keeps you warm at night.

One of the most sensual things you can do with your mouth is eat a grilled cheese.

Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout.

Ladies: Shave your asshole. You will feel like a new woman. Until you see how much hair you removed and have to really humble yourself.

me: can i get a will to live mcdonald's worker: will 2 live machine broke

Her: Who was your first love? Me: Debbie. H: What was she like? M: She was little. H: Are you talking about snacks? M: [mouth full] Maybe.

My fivehead is full of wine.

Tesla in the lab, Edison in the patent office.

So snapchat has a filter that will put makeup on for you, but what I really need is a filter that will shave my pussy for me.

When guys say I'm a 10 they mean