Oaks

My nine year old stayed home with me today. The time is 11:30 am. She has spoken more words today than I did in December.

Her: What in the world are you eating? Me: You told me to get rid of all the leftovers. Her: but…. WHAT IS THAT?? Me: ….. Her: ….. Me: Meatloaf Alfredo

i think they’re being overly optimistic regarding the canine literacy rate

car not found

If there was anything my dad taught me it was to quit my bellyaching. Never ever bellyache.

Making milkshakes because I need help with my yard work.

My wife acts like my meticulous reorganizing of the bookshelves doesn’t count as housework.

By the time you yell “wait,” it’s already too late.

Movie idea: Family moves into haunted house; ghosts appear; family too busy staring at phones to notice; ghosts leave in disgust.

Spoiler alert Star Wars is pretend.

Feeling sad and lonely, you are not alone. Seriously, you’re not alone, the tweets are coming from inside the house.

me: *mumbles* son: what did you say, dad? me: i said that doesn’t always work

Awp 4k from the match tn

@Lisabug74 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐 outstanding