Timotheé

@ChipotleTweets Asking for a friend - does a slowly fading red mushroom print on the forehead or cheek count as a temporary tattoo? Does the tattoo have to be visible or can I draw a butterfly with a sharpie somewhere I can’t even see?

3/13/26, 1 hr from 3-4PM, only. limit 5 free items; actual or temporary tattoo req’d. in-restaurant only; full terms: chipotle.com/tattoobogo

flew too close to the sun (mom saw my tattoo) rose from the ashes (got a free burrito) 🌯 show us how ur “tatted like a chipotle bag” & get a BOGO TODAY from 3-4PM

@wadai_buzz_ Like peeling off skin from hot leather

救急外科医として十数年働いて癒着剥離の経験を積んできた医者が551の餃子を綺麗に剥離できるかチャレンジした結果wwww

@JarodMHamilton The engines are different shapes?

Here's TORCH92 with some nice jewelry.

@youwouldntpost It would produce fruit if you got freaky with it

so hot this week the cacti are doing their freak shit

@Kohonos234 @CageClips He’s frothing

@CageClips This shit is gayer than sucking a dick

Clavicular just activated MAX LEVEL JESTERMAXXING and slowly started transforming into CRAZY FROG after calling this jester up on STAGE 😳👀

@CageClips NAURRRRRR. He’s gonna have to beat the allegations on stream at some point because it’s getting weird

@RedWavePress Trump was being nice

HILARIOUS: President Trump paused mid-sentence while answering a reporter’s question to blast Fox News’ Peter Doocy over his green tie. “And this is not Saint Patrick’s Day by the way. What are you doing with that tie?” Peter Doocy: “This is the tie… it is green, and we have known in the rules of fashion for a long time that you cannot wear white after Labor Day. This evening, we learned that at the Trump White House, you can’t wear green after Saint Patrick’s Day.”

@NASA_Marshall @NASA Ask SpaceX - it’ll be cheaper

🚀@NASA is using advanced simulations to provide the best possible launch conditions for the Artemis II test flight around the Moon. Learn how this NASA-developed tool is helping us better understand SLS's flight environment >> go.nasa.gov/4sZWbMc

@bjorkeres who up burring their nur

who up nurbing their ring

@warmdarksea Don’t even start on gifs…

you can hold-press on an image from the tl and save, but that doesn't save the highest-resolution image, for that you have to tap through to the image view and save from there (which opens the scary "share with your friends" dialog). also it's not fixed idk why i thought it was..

there's also this masterpiece of ui design, where to save weird problematic porn on twitter you have to a) avoid accidentally ruining your life by sending it to your irls, b) actually find "save photo" among the remaining buttons and c) its position changes, so no muscle memory

@SCMountainGoat The Mr Mackey Special mkay

Hear me out. A 50K Ultramarathon, but every 7 miles each runner has to take 1 gram of psilocybin mushrooms, and we call it “The MK Ultra”.

@amgmotorsport @VerstappenCOM @JulesGounon @dani_juncadella @Max33Verstappen @nuerburgring And they were neighbors

#NLS – Congrats, guys! 👏 #AMG

It’s 2am again, my favourite time, and as always reality is still staring me in the face 🧐

@nicospickles It’s Goo Goo and Ga Ga and together they are Goo Goo Ga Ga

someone calll national geographic i just watched two sharks fight each other

Love her and the Japanese people so much!

@MatthewCappucci Need

College me thought this was a "giant" hailstone. Ah, how times have changed...

@Ryanair A horror film where Labubu comes alive on a Ryanair flight, wreaking havoc, murdering, and causing an emergency landing in Iceland. Investigators are confused upon interviewing passengers who claim a Labubu was terrorizing the passengers. So, where is the Labubu?

nobody wants this

Oh to be free, the heart said as it raced to touch the sky Ascending like an angel to heaven Playfully dancing as it waved goodbye Love is in the air, everywhere— Just look up.

If you're cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

tea is tea whether herbal or verbal