Andy Greene

Ireland emerges from centuries of struggle. Right folks, big ideas. ‘Ban smokers smoking everywhere?’ Grand. ‘Let the gays marry?’ Grand. ‘United Ireland?’ Getting there folks getting there. ‘INVENT THE WORLD CUP WIN THE WORLD CUP HOST THE WORLD CUP’ Calm fucking down Michael....

Telling to Pope how to God is a flex I didn’t see coming

If the regime falls, rival intelligence agencies will be parachuting into Tehran in a cutthroat race to capture their social media guy—the Wernher von Braun of wartime posting.

Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary 10 years today You are all cunts

Fucking Incredible

The Shroud of Urine.

CAN TWO CLOSES MAKE AN OPEN

What a time to be alive, it's like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Warning to anyone buying a watch on Amazon: I learned the hard way that if it says you can swim with it, this only applies if you can already swim WITHOUT it.

these reform candidates are just named anything

White smoke emerges from White House as Trump declares himself the new Pope

There's a cohort of American males that believe with 1-2 years dedicated practice they could win the Masters. As a marketer, it's important to understand that you can sell these people anything.

The Vatican is two weeks away from developing a nuclear weapon.

@Humanarewild This is a fully grown man in a professional role head butting literal kids and hammering the shite out of them

London security fights four roadmen Pretty sure they stole loads of money or something, I couldn't really tell.

“Open the Strait of Hormuz or I’m closing the Strait of Hormuz”

Telling my kids this was the Strait of Hormuz

The Kyoto Aquarium in Japan keeps a wall-sized flowchart tracking the romantic relationships, breakups, and drama between their penguins. They update it every year. Red hearts mean couples. Blue broken hearts mean it’s over. Purple lines with question marks mean it’s complicated. Yellow means friendship. Green means enemies. One female penguin reportedly ended six relationships in a single year. The comment under her photo, translated from Japanese, described her as “basically demonic.” Another penguin was caught dating someone 17 years older who also turned out to be their great aunt. And penguins who get broken up with sometimes refuse to eat. Apparently the staff say wing-flapping means flirting, grooming each other means it’s official, and if a penguin steals another penguin’s egg… well, it’s exactly what it looks like.

Celebrating a winner in front of the away end after being called a feathered wanker all game.

I love when people fall out laughing. I love how much we can’t control ourselves in this moment. It’s one of my favorite feelings. Re-telling this story would not do it justice. This is really a "You had to be there" moment. Lol