Uncle Jeff 🌈

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Uncle Jeff 🌈

Uncle Jeff 🌈

@PickleRudd

the old man sitting in the corner booth reading a newspaper which, when you pass, causes your child to hug you a little closer

Lincoln, NE Katılım Eylül 2014
520 Takip Edilen5.2K Takipçiler
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Uncle Jeff 🌈
Uncle Jeff 🌈@PickleRudd·
Instant pancake mix box: just add water Me: sounds easy Oh no, too thick [adds more water] Oh no, too runny [adds more mix] . . . *Three hours later* a lovely breakfast of 137 pancakes
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Syrup Tishus
Syrup Tishus@Syrup_Tishus·
For those of you who are missing "Funny Twitter", have you tried being funny or....?
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Ghostface Kryllah
Ghostface Kryllah@kryzazzy·
No one ever talks about what a flex it is when Yoda just gets tired of answering all of Luke’s questions and dies
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 retweetledi
tate
tate@50FirstTates·
asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. asked them the same thing until i got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life
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gianmarco
gianmarco@GianmarcoSoresi·
Temperature check. I want to be able to upload full pod episodes here but would have to become verified to do so. Every owner of every app is evil but god I hate Elon Musk like it's a religion. Thoughts?
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Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc
It's fine to admit that the culture is too crass and depraved in the modern era, like today's audiences probably would look at this 16th Century statue depicting the heroic battle between Hercules and Diomedes and act like there was something sexual about it
Jason Pargin, author of John Dies at the End, etc tweet media
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 retweetledi
Matty
Matty@bestestname·
We just need to invent a straw that lasts a little bit longer than 4 seconds but still less than a million years
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 retweetledi
Drinkinstein
Drinkinstein@OswaldOLottakum·
At an orgy Me, trying to throw my voice: yeah, that's a great idea someone should order a pizza
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 retweetledi
C.H.U.D.ney Spears
C.H.U.D.ney Spears@chudneyspears·
Your a idiot.
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Dr. Jeff Computers
Dr. Jeff Computers@JeffMyspace·
When will people magazine have the balls to tell us who the sexiest dead guy is
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 retweetledi
Sunshine Jarboly
Sunshine Jarboly@SunshineJarboly·
*the barista stops me as i walk through the door* sir, there's a two scarf minimum at this coffee shop
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Uncle Jeff 🌈 retweetledi
DJ BBQ
DJ BBQ@stepheniscowboy·
"Only fans dead squirrel" "Bin Laden shooter concubine" "Iowa" You bolt awake in the mountains of Carthage. You are not online. It is 217 BC. You are the general Hannibal, and you have changed your mind. The future cannot come to pass. Rome must burn.
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jame
jame@kloogans·
beat*
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jame
jame@kloogans·
i'm always watching...if you come near the big stew i'll eat your ass
jame tweet media
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Uncle Jeff 🌈
Uncle Jeff 🌈@PickleRudd·
Fun first date idea: put on noise cancelling headphones, plug into each other's music, and desperately search for escape routes
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tanya
tanya@Tanya_Sabrinaaa·
should i try to connect
tanya tweet media
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tanya
tanya@Tanya_Sabrinaaa·
don't forget to leave some hellfire missiles out for the next president tonight
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Missy Martinez
Missy Martinez@MissyXMartinez·
It’s gray sweatpants season
Missy Martinez tweet mediaMissy Martinez tweet media
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Adam
Adam@adamgreattweet·
Happy Halloween from Shrek and Donkey!
Adam tweet media
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Missy Martinez
Missy Martinez@MissyXMartinez·
GIVE👏🏼STATUES👏🏼BUTTHOLES
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