Bennett R. Boyle

No one is an iconoclast at Christmas.

My wife was formerly promiscuous. I was a virgin. She was then radically born-again. Committed to church, evangelized constantly, Puritan books in her bedroom, prayer journals, grief over past sexual sin, etc. We got to know each other well for over a year, dated for four months, engaged for two and a half, and didn't sin sexually with one another. Our first kiss with each other was at the altar on our wedding day (reaction pic attached!). We've been married for over five years now, and she's been the most wonderful and godly wife, mother to our three children, and homemaker you could imagine. She's more pure than most virgins, as biblical purity has less to with past sins (though they certainly matter) and more to do with one's current posture of the heart and daily decisions to honor the Lord (Matt. 5:8). We're far too quick to forget the story of the woman labeled as a known "sinner" (likely a prostitute) in Luke 7:36-50 who was washing Jesus' feet with her tears while kissing them too. The Pharisees were shocked that Jesus let a public sinner do this. Jesus responded with a parable about debts being forgiven and ended with this powerful conclusion: "Her many sins have been forgiven; that’s why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little" (Luke 7:47). Everyone seems to highlight the benefits of virginity, and it certainly is a blessing. But we forget to highlight the benefits of being forgiven much as well. My wife knows the depths of Jesus' forgiveness more than most people, enabling her to more easily live out a life of passionate love for her Savior. A woman or man's past sexual sin matters. But what matters far more when it comes to deciding who to marry is if the person is truly born again, if their repentance is real, if they truly have a heart for Christ, if they truly follow Jesus and obey his commands. "God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world ​— ​what is viewed as nothing ​— ​to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one may boast in his presence. It is from him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom from God for us ​— ​our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, — in order that, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" (1 Cor. 1:27-31) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!" (2 Cor. 5:17)

"Dad, what should I do if I want to have a good marriage?" "Well, son, my first piece of advice is to avoid calling your wife a whore, reformed or otherwise, to strangers on the Internet."

God married a whore. In Hosea 1:2, God instructs a prophet to marry a prostitute as a living parable of His own relationship with Israel. I’ll admit my first instinct seeing this post was to recoil. Then I did my quiet time. In Hosea, Gomer is not background detail. She is the crux of the whole story. Hosea takes her back after she leaves him. He buys her back out of slavery as God tells him to. Because that is what God does. Rahab was a prostitute in Jericho. She is in the lineage of Christ. Matthew 1 puts her there without apology or asterisk. The woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears in Luke 7 was a known public sinner, likely a prostitute. The Pharisee hosting the dinner was disgusted that Jesus let her touch him. Jesus told the Pharisee that the person forgiven most loves most. He did not say she was tolerated. He said she understood grace better than the religious man throwing the dinner party. The pattern is clear, this is not one story. This is every generation being confronted with the same scandalous imagery and recoiling the same way. Because the scandal does not stop in the Old Testament. Paul tells husbands in Ephesians 5 to love their wives the way Christ loves the Church. And who is the Church? She is the bride of Christ. She is not a worthy or befitting bride. She is a people steeped in idolatry, rebellion, and spiritual adultery, bought back at the cost of His life. In the Old Testament, God tells Hosea to marry Gomer. In the New Testament, Christ marries us. The parable is the same only that the stage is larger. This post or this man’s union is not more scandalous than the gospel. The gospel tells us that a sinless God dies in the place of a guilty people who neither deserved it nor asked for it is the whole gospel. The scandal is not incidental to the story. It is the story. None of us gets to be comfortable. All of us recoiling at this testimony are doing exactly what the Pharisees did. They saw sinners near Jesus and called it contamination. Jesus said that was the entire point. So if this makes you uncomfortable, that discomfort is not a problem with the post. It is a problem with your gospel.

Female virginity and male virginity are not even close to the same. Science and more importantly the Bible bear this out. I have no issue with men marrying women who have had sexual intercourse with men before their husbands. I do take issue with acting like virginity is meaningless and not of great value and difficult to maintain.

Grace is a gift, and forgiveness is a virtue. So is discretion.

I was formerly promiscuous. My wife was a virgin. I was then radically born-again. Then I fell into more sexual sin. Then I returned as a prodigal. Reading, studying, learning, praying. Grief and repentance over my wayward ways. We got to know each other for about a year...

The main problem with NETTR (“no enemies to the right”) is that it is fundamentally man-centered. It asks “will this hurt my cause?” and not “will this dishonor God?”

"Dad, what should I do if I want to have a good marriage?" "Well, son, my first piece of advice is to avoid calling your wife a whore, reformed or otherwise, to strangers on the Internet."

Stephen Wolfe wrote a long defence explaining why he finally cut ties with his racist, white supremacist, neo-Nazi friend Michael Spangler. I see many issues with his statement, but the main takeaway is he didn’t cut ties over evil; he did it over reputational harm and personal cost. This is pure damage control. Don’t be fooled.

My wife was formerly promiscuous. I was a virgin. She was then radically born-again. Committed to church, evangelized constantly, Puritan books in her bedroom, prayer journals, grief over past sexual sin, etc. We got to know each other well for over a year, dated for four months, engaged for two and a half, and didn't sin sexually with one another. Our first kiss with each other was at the altar on our wedding day (reaction pic attached!). We've been married for over five years now, and she's been the most wonderful and godly wife, mother to our three children, and homemaker you could imagine. She's more pure than most virgins, as biblical purity has less to with past sins (though they certainly matter) and more to do with one's current posture of the heart and daily decisions to honor the Lord (Matt. 5:8). We're far too quick to forget the story of the woman labeled as a known "sinner" (likely a prostitute) in Luke 7:36-50 who was washing Jesus' feet with her tears while kissing them too. The Pharisees were shocked that Jesus let a public sinner do this. Jesus responded with a parable about debts being forgiven and ended with this powerful conclusion: "Her many sins have been forgiven; that’s why she loved much. But the one who is forgiven little, loves little" (Luke 7:47). Everyone seems to highlight the benefits of virginity, and it certainly is a blessing. But we forget to highlight the benefits of being forgiven much as well. My wife knows the depths of Jesus' forgiveness more than most people, enabling her to more easily live out a life of passionate love for her Savior. A woman or man's past sexual sin matters. But what matters far more when it comes to deciding who to marry is if the person is truly born again, if their repentance is real, if they truly have a heart for Christ, if they truly follow Jesus and obey his commands. "God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world ​— ​what is viewed as nothing ​— ​to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one may boast in his presence. It is from him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom from God for us ​— ​our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, — in order that, as it is written: 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'" (1 Cor. 1:27-31) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!" (2 Cor. 5:17)