Rick Aaron

My television roles include “Fleeing Suspect” on Season 3 of Cops and “Jubilant Non Father” on Season 7 of the Maury Povich Show.

Applebee's should microwave the food right at your table like a Benihana.

Me: I’d like calf definition. Trainer: Sure. It’s term for young animal offspring commonly used for bovine species and whales.

The blue one is popular with barbers for comb storage

Cowboys are complaining that it now costs over $45 to fill up their hats.

Mom: Remember Linda Robinson? Me: Who? Mom: She was the teller at the bank on Eastline. She used to give you suckers. Me: Mom, I was 3 when we lived there. Mom: Anyway, she died.

My mom answers the phone like she's in the middle of defusing a bomb

🎶 Ohhh-ohhhhhh Livin’ on a prayerrrrr 🎶

To be fair, I never received the Obama Phone or the Biden Phone I ordered either.

This is a difficult day for me. My Mom left for cigarettes before I was born & never came back.

“CSI: Mississippi” flopped because there’s no dental records and everyone has the same DNA.

Happy Mother’s Day to the lady who licked her thumb to wipe Go-Gurt off your chin.

“Shrinkflation,” I sheepishly explain emerging from a cold pool.

Any day now

Send me your cell #. I’ll give you a call when my Trump Phone arrives.

Three dollars to fill your World Cup

Cruise passengers in the 70s never got hanta despite contact with a Gopher because Dr. Bricker would put Isaacmectin on their Stubing.

Andes hantavirus? Why don’t they stick to making those little rectangular mints?

Cheerleaders: We’ve got spirit/Yes we do/We’ve got spirit/How bout you? Airline industry:

RIP Spirit Airlines (1992-2026) You proved that “fight or flight” is not an either/or decision.

Spirit Airlines ghosted me. Not a soul at the counter. Customer service line dead. Well played!