Ryan Simkin

so that happened.

@deejayfaremi @Freyy_is I have to treat it like a toddler.

@RyanSimkin @Freyy_is You sound like you’re scolding it.

the em dash is no longer the clearest sign of ai-generated writing. honestly? it’s this.

@Freyy_is Yup, we had it out last week.

Bro said... hold my glasses 👓

BAR OWNER: “You’re OK at making drinks, but are you good at changing the channel on a TV?” BARTENDER INTERVIEWEE: “I am the literal worst channel changer of all time.” BAR OWNER: “You start tomorrow.”

Just one day after ending "The Late Show" on CBS, Stephen Colbert returned to TV — to host a public access show with rocker Jack White in Monroe, Michigan. Appearances by Jeff Daniels, Eminem and Steve Buscemi.

@nut_history Alex Ochoa.

Alright. Rickey Henderson is at third base. One out. Tie game. Bottom of the 9th. You’re the fielding team. DEEP fly ball to right field. Who do you want as your right fielder?

I woke up in a SoHo doorway, a policeman knew my name.

I recommended Midnight Run to a close friend who had never even heard of it. I told her to watch it yesterday. Today, she called me in total excitement over how much she loved the movie. It’s the exact sort of phone call I live for & honestly made me want to fire up Midnight Run.

@spoiltkate_ Fantastic Mr Fox is like 87 min.

You’re getting paid $100k to rewatch one movie 100 times. Which movie survives the challenge?

We're so back. An entrepreneur is restoring Pizza Huts to their former glory.

This is how it starts.

🚨 Game time announcements 🚨 Texas vs. Ohio State Sat Sept. 12 • 6:30 PM CT on ABC Cotton Holdings Lone Star Showdown Fri Nov. 27 • 6:30 PM CT on ABC

I have been suspended from eBay

You Know a Film is Going to be Masterpiece, When Matt Damon Wants to Go Home!

ChatGPT randomly became obsessed with talking about goblins, to the point where it started ruining the chatbot for users. An emergency anti-goblin patch was recently released that told ChatGPT to stop talking about goblins and other creatures unprompted.

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

@DangerousThinkg No notes.

How many of you go out for early dinners and then call it a night? This hits harder as the days pass

If my Rockets lose game 6, I will personally donate 10k worth of deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo and soap to Salt Lake Shitty, Utah in an effort to improve their personal hygiene.

The #Texans and Pro Bowl LB Azeez Al-Shaair have agreed to terms on a 3-year extension, per @MikeGarafolo and me. A nice payday for a big-time defender and Walter Payton Man of the Year nominee in a deal negotiated by Jason Chayut of @SPORTSTARSNYC.