Big Sarah

@dieworkwear The $7 delivery fee is killing me

people out here paying $3,800 for a plastic pocket watch

My baby is almost sleeping through the night, which is wonderful, but we’re at an unfortunate stage where she wakes up like one hour before I need to get up for work, which leaves me no time to fall asleep again. I’m getting less sleep than I did when she woke at 3am

@AbakpaJob @ronnui_ Yeeeeeeeees, I had this one for 10 years and literal strangers told me they recognized me in it

Few understand the importance of having a sick ass jacket that everyone recognizes you by

@DudespostingWs “There’s an island of floating garbage twice the size of Texas in the ocean” Oh. Oh no. I do not understand how this happened. What ever could we do to solve this dreadful conundrum.

This guy ordered 163 noodles from Walmart and the delivery driver showed up with 163 separate boxes containing one noodle each. Easiest delivery job ever

@primusyustisio @luvblessingz I’m intrigued by the impact this would have on global economics, is this a situation where the world is run on personally-owned Etsy shops or more of a post-apocalypse??

@luvblessingz I’ve always wanted to be independent because the last time I used an alarm was in high schoo, I’ve never imagined myself working for anyone, I find it so hard to believe y’all are still working for people in 2026😭

so who’s gonna sue apple for the silent alarms thing? i’ve almost lost my job several times now

@iWomansplainer In my experience, blue means traffic is moving at full speed, yellow is significantly reduced speed, and red is stop and go, but it doesn’t always update in real time.

Are the colors in the map apps that indicate traffic severity subjective to the area? Because I am currently in “blue” in Chicago which would certainly be red back home.

@JesterJum The TVs are just a red herring for Twitter

While the price of virtually everything else skyrockets, the price of TVs remain weirdly low. Its almost like they don't want to price people out of the ability to be distracted, manipulated, and controlled. Anyone else notice that? Or is it just me?

@uncledoomer Nah, the whole problem with trains in the US is that they need railroads dedicated just to them, they can’t use existing road infrastructure. America is huge and getting from city to city often requires crossing vast unpopulated areas. Those areas can’t afford to maintain tracks

thats a great idea. you could even build special roads for them out of metal, connecting major cities

@Hedgeye After graduating college in 2021, I got an apartment for $750/month. By the time I moved out three years later, rent had already increased to $950/month

The U.S. Dollar has lost 30% of its purchasing power over the last six years

@ammalusty He yearns to return to the dirt from whence he came

hate when you forget about an onion or a potato in your pantry and it becomes Evil

@iWomansplainer I mean it’s a good question, but it should be noted that Babylon Bee is a satire news site. This is not a serious headline

I understand, obviously, that men and women are different, but are corporate careers not “soul-crushing” for men? Like do yall actually feel fulfilled from your corporate jobs? (Genuine question). I’d love not to work, but like, I’d love my husband not to, too!

I just got contacted by a genuine wrong number for the first time in years. I’m so used to scammers faking a wrong number situation that it was kind of refreshing

@iWomansplainer @1967mustangman Why is he doing it near his sleeping baby. Why would he do anything loud near his sleeping baby

@1967mustangman It wakes the baby up

Will someone please inform my husband that he does not need to make elephant noises when blowing his nose? I have spent a literal decade trying to tell him this and it’s simply not landing. I’m at a loss.

Carriers are designed to have no material between you and your baby, which means you have to put it on, then throw baby over your shoulder and awkwardly cram their legs in while sliding them down. I would much prefer something like a backpack: put the baby in it, then strap it on

They should invent a baby carrier that’s easy to use

I was locked out of basically everything on my computer for 3 hours on Thursday morning (including all channels I would normally use to contact IT) because of an issue with Authenticator. Truly garbage app

I hate cybercriminals because they take advantage of the uninformed and the desperate, but most of all because it’s their fault I have to use Microsoft Authenticator

@JezziiB Nah dog, yaal will abuse your privileges and set it to like 62. The freakin spoons will stick to your tongue

HOT TAKE: PEOPLE WHO FEEL HOT SHOULD DECIDE THE TEMPERATURE OF A ROOM. PEOPLE WHO FEEL COLD SHOULD WEAR A SWEATER.

@AbakpaJob Also good for muscle soreness and clearing sinuses. Don’t let anyone tell you what temperature your showers should be

i know a super hot shower is bad for your skin and hair but being boiled alive is important for my mental health

Why is so much baby parenting advice like “spend all day with your baby, get plenty of rest, reduce stress, and eat well” What Utopian society are these people coming from??? Could not be less helpful

@peterlyonsphoto AND you can do crafts with the branches

@SarahWhoIsLarge Because it’s a FORT!

Weeping willow has got to be the most fun tree. Gotta get one of those when I have a permanent yard