Year of the Goat stands with 🇺🇦

My sister lives so far back in the woods, my GPS kept saying, "I hear banjo music."

I just signed a petition: Block the EA Deal. Sign here: actionnetwork.org/petitions/bloc…

H: *gives the side-eye when told my niece has a different last name than I do* Me: Oddly my sister didn't marry a first cousin… so my niece has a different last name. I know that's a difficult concept to grasp in the south.

After a 25 minute wait for the pot pies to cook, you would think the rest of my @KFC order would be correct, but you would be wrong.

@Ashy_slashee Melania Pretty sure she also has acid for blood though.

Name an Alien, not the Xenomorph. #Scifi

@Ashy_slashee Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel

Name a time travel movie... (Not Back to the Future)

Me to my cousin: …and here's me wondering how many starving children in your area could have been fed with the money your church wasted to rent a CAMEL for a fuckin' live nativity scene.

He’s not even in office yet and is ALREADY going back on campaign promises.

Apparently my nephew is: can't bring himself to call you, but will leave a rambling voice message on facebook messenger level of autism.

I say, Happy Holidays, because I don't know what religion you subscribe to, if any, and I don't find you interesting enough to want to ask.

The Biden economy is so strong businesses are willing to hire convicted felons out on bail.

FYI: BlueSky is like Twitter, before the Nazi sympathizer took over.

Getting ready to enjoy a maple pecan pastry. And I have a snickers ice cream bar on stand by to make the pecan-allergy mouth-itch go away. Evening well planned.

Whore Today, Gone Tomorrow

To the random idiot named Kim that had food delivered to my house: Next time you order, send something edible.

If you see something wrong in this country and wonder how it started, 9 times out of 10 the answer is Ronald Reagan.

Ha·mas /häˈmäs/ The magic word used by the Israeli government to absolve itself of genocidal war crimes.

@BipolarBearDick They could straddle it and sit facing the wall if that would make you happy.

If ,as you stated in your most recent post, 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒, then the roof-top pool in Dubai you posted last month must have been a pretty shit experience.

Considering his vocation, I think he has taken a few too many hits, and the brain damage is showing up earlier than normal.