Subpoena

im starting to understand the distant uncle

Ever read a tweet and think, "Wow that person is mentally unstable," then realize it's your own?

FLIRTING IN YOUR 40s: I have a bidet at my house.

I swear this happens

The only thing better than going to bed is going back to bed.

"Look, I'm not going to sugar coat it." -why my donut shop failed

💀

when you fake laughed twice already and they still talking

Guys, When your prospective father-in-law asks: "Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?" Do NOT say: "Because I am tired of using my own"

I hate getting older. I can’t even twerk without pulling something anymore

You’re safe. No one is mad at you. You can stop assuming. You’re not that small child in trouble, who can’t relax. The hypervigilance is from your past. You’re safe, now.

while i was deep in grief, i was researching brain waves & one thing i learned is that during severe depression/grief, we experience theta waves (which usually occur only before deep sleep) while we are awake. we literally sleepwalk through life due to sadness. just wild.

Mood

*working in pediatric ER* me: hi my name is Josh and I’m going to be your doctor today! kid: what is that *points to badge* me: this is my hospital ID badge! I was having a very bad hair day that day haha kid: it looks the same today me:

Sexual intimacy can be the only way people know how to connect. Emotional intimacy is a different skillset that’s foreign to many.